Dialogue comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
A little girl is walking with her grandmother when they see two dogs going at it.
When she asks what they’re doing, the grandmother sheepishly explains, “Well, they’re making puppies.”
That night, the girl walks into her parents’ room without knocking and sees her dad on top of her mom.
She asks what’s going on, and her dad says, “Well, I’m making you a little brother or sister.”
The girl says, “Flip her over, Dad—I’d rather get puppies!”
A man walks into a bar and sees a big barrel full to bursting with $20 bills. He orders a drink and, striking up a conversation with the bartender, gets around to asking, “what’s the deal with the big barrel of cash?”
The bartender chuckles and says, “oh, for a $20 entry fee that can be yours. You just have to complete three tasks.”
The man perks up and says, “what do I have to do to win?”
The bartender says, “first, you need to do a shot of this hot sauce brewed from the hottest peppers in the world. After that, there’s a pitbull in the back. Take these pliers and pull out its rotten, sore tooth.”
The man balks at that, but says “what’s the third thing?”
The bartender says, “there’s an old lady who lives above the bar. Have sex with her until she’s satisfied and the money is yours.”
The man has a few drinks and thinks about it. Finally he slaps a $20 on the bar. The bartender pours a shot from the hottest peppers sauce and the man plugs his nose and downs the shot.
Next the man disappears and the whole bar hears the dog growling, barking and snapping. He comes staggering back into the bar, scratched and bloodied. After he catches his breath he turns to the bartender and says, “alright, where is this bitch with the bad tooth?”
Blood donation centers ask way too many questions:
“Where’d you get it?”
“Whose blood is it?”
“Why is it in a bucket?”
A 60-year-old millionaire marries a hot 25-year-old woman.
After the honeymoon, they throw a party to celebrate their marriage. After a few drinks, the millionaire’s friends want to know the secret of how he landed a 25-year-old hottie.
“It’s simple,” the millionaire boasts. “I faked my age.”
“Yeah, but even for a 40- or 45-year-old guy, she’s sensational. So what age did you tell her you were?” a friend asks.
With a smile on his lips, the millionaire responds, “85 years old.”
A blonde walked into a library, marched up to the counter, and said, “I’d like a Big Mac combo meal with large fries and a Diet Coke.”
The librarian said, “Excuse me! This is a library!”
The blonde then whispered, “Sorry… I’d like a Big Mac combo meal with large fries and a Diet Coke.”
Two hicks, Billy Bob and Joe, were working on their farm when they were approached by a traveling beautiful busty blonde. She looked them up and down and said, “Howdy, boys. I’m feeling a bit randy, and you two look like you could satisfy my itch. Would you two fine, strapping young men like to help a girl out?” The men are definitely down, but she holds up a couple of foil wrappers. “But you will have to wear these condoms, because I don’t want to get pregnant.” They agree, and soon the three of them are having a fantastic and memorable ménage à trois.
Several months go by. Then Billy Bob turns to Joe and says, “Hey Joe? You remember that blonde from a few months back?”
“Yeah, what about her?”
“Well, do you really care if she gets pregnant?”
“No, not really. You?”
“No. So why don’t we take these things off?”
There were three men on death row: a German, an Italian, and an Irishman.
The warden gave them a choice of how they wanted to die:
• Be shot
• Be hanged
• Be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow, painful death
The German stepped up first.
“Shoot me right in the head.”
Boom. Instant.
The Italian went next.
“Just hang me.”
Snap. Done.
Then it was the Irishman’s turn.
“I’ll take some of that AIDS stuff.”
They gave him the injection.
He collapsed on the floor… laughing.
The guards looked at each other. What was wrong with this guy?
Through tears of laughter he said, “Give me another one of those shots!”
They shrugged and gave him another.
Now he’s howling, doubled over, can barely breathe from laughing.
Finally, the warden snapped, “What is wrong with you?!”
The Irishman wheezed, “You idiots… I’m wearing a condom!”
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite…
He said NaBrO
