Format: one-liner

One-liners, quick jokes, short-form comedy, and punchlines built for impatient degenerates from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I

I’m sick of lying in bed and playing with myself all day long. I suppose I need to find someone to do that for me.
If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be

If I were a woman, I’d want to be a lesbian so I could still be turned down by women I want to sleep with. Over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at handling that kind of rejection.
(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction

(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct

I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
I guess until I actually said it, it never seemed anything *but*

I guess until I actually said it, it never seemed anything *but* complimentary to tell her that she tasted “vulvalicious.”
Yelling through the bathroom stall partition, I asked my regular

Yelling through the bathroom stall partition, I asked my regular glory hole chick if she would be interested in taking things to the next level, but she just gave me lip service.
I tried forever to find it, but ultimately gave up and told the

I tried forever to find it, but ultimately gave up and told the clerk at Lowe’s “I need caulk.”
My boyfriend wants me to be more vocal and talk dirty to him

My boyfriend wants me to be more vocal and talk dirty to him when we’re having sex. Problem is, I don’t talk with my mouth full.
bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back

bowel movement and the series of “Batman” movies they made back in the 1990s: They both went on a lot longer than I expected.
Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed

Another Easter, another weekend spent tied to some guy’s bed performing oral.