At my vasectomy consultation, the doctor said, “Now THIS is a big, beautiful penis!”
Then he pulled his pants back up and told me to get undressed.
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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The Cabbie and the Preacher at the Pearly Gates
A cab driver dies and reaches the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven.
Next in line is a preacher.
St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow, and says, “OK, we’ll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff.”
The preacher is shocked.
“But I am a man of the cloth! You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!”
St. Peter responds matter-of-factly:
“This is Heaven, and up here we’re interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed.”
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Little Johnny and the Spelling Lesson
A teacher asked her third grade class to name things that ended with “tor” and that also ate things.
The first little boy said, “Alligator.” “Very good James, that’s a big word.”
The second boy said, “Predator.” “Yes, that’s another big word Alan, well done.”
Little Johnny says, “Vibrator.”
After nearly falling off her chair, the teacher says, “That’s a big word Johnny, but it doesn’t eat anything.”
“Well my mother has one and she says it eats batteries like there’s no tomorrow!”
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Little Johnny and the Substitute Teacher
Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.
She says, “Hello class. I’m Miss Prussy. When you say my name, remember it has an ‘R’ after the first letter.”
The entire class says, “Hello, Miss Prussy!”
A few days later, Johnny’s regular teacher is out again, and Miss Prussy has returned as the substitute.
She says, “Good morning, Johnny. Do you remember my name?”
Johnny thinks hard, and he says to the teacher, “I remember it has an ‘R’ after the first letter.”
“That’s right!” she coaxed.
After a few seconds, little Johnny says, “Miss Crunt?”
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He Was 0K
A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C, and everyone said he was crazy.
It turns out that he was 0K.
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Too Many Probing Questions
Why do aliens make such bad therapists?
They ask too many probing questions.
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The Unused Christmas Gift
At Christmas, a man just opened presents from his mother-in-law and she asks, “Where’s mine?”
He says, “I didn’t get you anything this year.”
Visibly upset, she asks why.
He says, “You never used what I got you last year.”
She yelled, “IT WAS A BURIAL PLOT!”
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The Slow Foursome on the Golf Course
A priest, a doctor, and a golfer are waiting at a tee while a painfully slow group plays ahead of them.
After watching them take forever, the golfer finally explodes:
“What is wrong with these guys?! They’re terrible!”
The caddy nearby says,
“Oh, you didn’t hear? That group is made up of firefighters who lost their sight saving people from a burning building. They play once a week.”
The priest bows his head and says,
“That’s so tragic… I’ll say a prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor says,
“I know a specialist who might be able to help restore some vision.”
The golfer pauses, then says…
“Why can’t they just play at night?”
