Doctor: “I’m afraid you have a bad case of onomatopoeia.”
Patient: “What’s that?”
Doctor: “I’m afraid it’s exactly what it sounds like.”
Format: setup-punchline
Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Bad Brakes Have Never Stopped Me Before
It’s probably not safe for me to be driving right now.
But, hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
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Do Not Resuscitate
I gave my wife a bracelet that belonged to my grandmother. I thought that it was a caring gesture. My wife was not happy.
The bracelet said, “Do Not Resuscitate.”
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The Detective Exam
A police officer is interviewing three recruits who are training to become detectives.
To test their observational skills, he shows the first recruit a photograph of a suspect for five seconds before hiding it.
“This is your suspect,” he says. “How would you recognize him?”
The first recruit answers, “Easy. We’d catch him right away because he only has one eye.”
The officer sighs. “That’s because I showed you his side profile.”
Trying again, he shows the same photo to the second recruit for five seconds. “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?”
The second recruit smiles confidently. “Even easier. He only has one ear.”
Now the officer is furious. “What’s wrong with you two? Of course he only has one eye and one ear. It’s a side-profile photo! Can’t either of you come up with a better answer?”
Completely exasperated, he turns to the third recruit. “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?” Then he adds, “And think carefully before you give me another ridiculous answer.”
The third recruit studies the photo for a moment. “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The officer blinks in surprise. He doesn’t actually know whether the suspect wears contacts.
“That’s… an interesting observation. Wait here while I check his file.”
A few minutes later, the officer returns with a huge smile. “Incredible! You’re right. The suspect really does wear contact lenses. How on earth did you figure that out?”
“Simple,” the third recruit replies. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”
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A Couple of No Shows
I was recently invited to a 3-way.
There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a great time.
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Where Is That Monkey
A lost dog wanders into a jungle. A lion spots him from a distance and thinks to himself, “That thing looks edible. I’ve never seen one of those before.”
The lion starts charging toward the dog. The dog notices and begins to panic, but just as he’s about to run, he spots a pile of bones nearby.
An idea hits him.
He looks at the bones and says loudly, “Mmm… that was some good lion meat.”
The lion abruptly stops. “Whoa,” he thinks. “This guy’s tougher than he looks. I’d better get out of here.”
Watching from a nearby tree, a monkey has seen the whole thing. He realizes he can profit from the situation by telling the lion what really happened.
The monkey catches up to the lion and tells him the truth.
Furious, the lion growls, “Get on my back. We’ll go get him together.”
The lion tears back through the jungle with the monkey riding on his back.
The dog sees them coming and panics even more. Then he gets another idea.
He looks around and yells, “Where the hell is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!”
