Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • The Squire of the High Pot and Noose

    A perfectly triangular lake has three kingdoms along its three sides.

    The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people.

    The second kingdom is more humble, but still enjoys its fair share of wealth and influence.

    The third kingdom is poor and struggling, with barely enough resources to maintain an army.

    Eventually, the three kingdoms go to war over control of the lake, which has become a valuable resource.

    The first kingdom sends 100 of its finest knights, clad in the best armor money can buy, each accompanied by a personal squire.

    The second kingdom sends 50 knights, equipped with fine leather armor and supported by several dozen squires of their own.

    The third kingdom can only send a single knight — an elderly warrior long past his prime — along with his faithful squire.

    The night before the great battle, the knights of the first kingdom drink and celebrate late into the night.

    The knights of the second kingdom aren’t quite as wealthy, but they still have enough grog to keep the festivities going well into the evening.

    In the third camp, things are much quieter. The squire takes a rope and throws it over the branch of a tall tree, making a noose. He hangs a cooking pot from it, fills it with stew, and shares a humble dinner with the old knight.

    The next morning, disaster strikes. The knights of the first two kingdoms are too hungover to fight. The old knight from the third kingdom is simply too old and weary to rise from his bed.

    So instead, the squires from all three kingdoms march into battle.

    The fighting lasts all day and well into the night. When the dust finally settles, only one squire remains standing: the squire from the third kingdom.

    And that just goes to show you that: The squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

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  • It Just Rolls Off the Tongue

    My favourite word is drool.

    It just rolls off the tongue.

  • Filled It With Spring Water

    My ditzy neighbor bought a waterbed and said it was way more bouncy than he expected…

    He said, “I’m guessing it’s because I filled it with spring water.”

  • The Birthday Surprise

    Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn’t wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot, and so did my kids. I went to work, and even my colleagues didn’t wish me a happy birthday.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    As I entered my office, my secretary said, “Happy birthday, boss!” I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment.

    We went there, and she said, “Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?” “Okay,” I said.

    She came out five minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, “SURPRISE!!!”

    …while I was waiting naked on the sofa.

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  • Pipe Down or You’ll Get Us Both Fired

    A gorilla at the zoo dies of old age just before opening time. He was the star attraction — the one animal everybody came to see.

    The zoo can’t afford a new gorilla right away, so the owner makes a quiet offer to one of the workers: “We’ve got an old gorilla costume in storage. If you put it on and act like the gorilla for a while, I’ll pay you an extra $100 a day.”

    The worker agrees, puts on the suit, and goes into the enclosure. To his surprise, the visitors love him. He pounds his chest, swings around, and soon crowds are showing up just to see this “amazingly life-like” gorilla.

    After a month, though, the excitement starts to die down. So he decides to put on a little stunt. He climbs to the top of the enclosure, swings over into the neighboring lion habitat… and hangs from the safety net above it!

    A huge crowd gathers — gasping and pointing.

    Then — his hands slip. He falls right into the lions’ den.

    Panicking, he starts yelling, “HELP! Somebody help me! I’m not really a gorilla!”

    Suddenly, a massive lion leaps onto him, pinning him to the ground.

    The lion leans in close and whispers, “Pipe down, buddy… or you’ll get us both fired.”

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  • Little Johnny Sells Toothbrushes

    The kids filed back into class Monday morning, all excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something and then give a short talk about their sales strategy.

    Little Sally went first. “I sold Girl Scout cookies,” she said proudly. “I made $30. My approach was to appeal to people’s kindness!”

    “Excellent,” said the teacher.

    Little Mary went next. “I sold magazines. I made $45. I told people that magazines help them keep up with the news.”

    “Very good, Mary,” said the teacher.

    Finally, it was Little Johnny’s turn. He walked to the front, dumped a shoebox full of cash on the teacher’s desk, and said, “$2,467.”

    The teacher nearly fainted. “$2,467?! Johnny, what on earth were you selling?”

    “Toothbrushes,” Johnny replied.

    “Toothbrushes?! How could you sell that many?”

    Johnny grinned. “Well, I went to the busiest corner in town and set up a table with a sign that said ‘Free Sample.’ I handed everyone a chip dipped in a little brown mixture. Every single person said the same thing: ‘Eww! That tastes like dog food!’”

    “Then I said, ‘It sure does!… Would you like to buy a toothbrush?’”

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  • Read My Lips — POSSE

    An Indian scouting party captures a cowboy from a bar and brings him back to their camp to meet the chief.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The chief says to the cowboy, “You’re going to die. But we’re sorry for you, so we’ll give you one wish a day for three days. At sundown on the third day, you die. What first wish?”

    The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse.”

    The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse’s ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the back.

    The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde. She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.

    The Indians look at each other, figuring, “Typical white man… only thinks one thing.”

    The second day, the chief says, “What wish today?” The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.” The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse’s ear, then slaps it on the back.

    Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes into the teepee with the cowboy.

    The Indians shake their heads, figuring, “Typical white man going to die tomorrow… can only think one thing.”

    The last day comes, and the chief says, “This last wish, white man. What want?”

    The cowboy says, “I want to see my horse again.”

    The Indians bring him his horse.

    The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, “Read my lips, you idiot! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!”

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  • The Pirate and His Moles

    A pirate went to a dermatologist to look at some suspicious moles on his back.

    The doctor assured him that they’re benign.

    “Arrrrgh,” said the pirate, “check again because when I counted there be ten!”

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  • Ten Cent Beer

    A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    The bartender says, “Sure thing — that’ll be ten cents.”

    “Ten cents?!” the man says, stunned. He looks at the menu and asks, “Alright… what about a big steak dinner and a nice bottle of wine?”

    “That’ll be a dollar,” the bartender replies.

    “A dollar?! This is the best deal I’ve ever seen! Where’s the owner of this bar?”

    The bartender points upstairs and says, “He’s up there… with my wife.”

    The man frowns and asks, “What’s he doing with your wife?”

    The bartender shrugs and says, “Same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”

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  • Call the Coroner

    A prostitute at a brothel dies during intercourse.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
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    The man runs downstairs, crying, “My God, she’s dead! What am I going to do?”

    The Madam intercepts him. “Now just keep cool,” she says, “and I’ll call the coroner.”

    “The coroner? What for? I can’t fuck him!”

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