Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
At an isolated part of the beach at Cannes, a beautiful, young French girl threw herself into the sea. A young man off at a distance witnessed it and dashed into the water to save her. Unfortunately, he was too late. He brought the semi-nude body ashore and left it on the sand while he went to report the drowning. When he returned, he was horrified to discover a man making love to the corpse.
I was out on a walk when I saw a sign that said, “Man wanted for robbery.”
So I went in and applied for the job.
I hate it when people don’t know the difference between your and you’re.
There so stupid.
One day, a duck walks into a bar. He waddles up to the counter, hops onto a stool, and asks the bartender, “Got any grapes?”
The bartender is surprised and says, “No, buddy. This is a bar. We only serve beer, whiskey, and peanuts here. No grapes.” The duck says, “Okay,” hops down, and leaves.
The next day at the same time, the duck comes back into the bar. He hops onto the stool and asks the bartender, “Got any grapes?”
The bartender gets a bit annoyed this time. “Look, little guy, I told you yesterday. We don’t have grapes! If you come back here asking for grapes again, I won’t let you in.” The duck says, “Okay,” and leaves.
The third day, the duck appears at the door again. He approaches the counter, looks the bartender in the eye, and asks, “Got any grapes?”
The bartender completely loses his temper. He slams his fist on the counter and yells, “That’s it! If you ask me for grapes one more time, I am going to nail your little webbed feet to this counter!”
The duck stares at the bartender for a few seconds, then quietly turns around and leaves.
The fourth day… the duck walks in once again. He calmly gets up on the stool, looks at the bartender, and asks, “Got any nails?”
The bartender takes a deep breath, confused, and says, “No, I don’t have any nails…”
The duck smiles and says, “Great! Got any grapes?”
Two 70-year-old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives…
When it’s clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day, Mike says, “Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s football there.”
Joe looks up at Mike from his deathbed. “Mike, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favour for you.” Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him.
“Mike… Mike!”
“Who is it?”
“It’s me, Joe.”
“Joe! Where are you?”
“In Heaven,” replies Joe. “I have some really good news and a little bad news.”
“Tell me the good news first,” says Mike.
“The good news,” Joe says, “is that there’s football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again. Better still, it’s always springtime, and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!”
“That’s fantastic,” says Mike. “It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news?”
“You’re in the team for this Saturday.”
