Format: setup-punchline

Setup-punchline comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

I Need a Battery to Tell the Time

I said to my son, “I need a battery so I can tell the time.”

He asked, “Is it for a clock?”

I answered, “I don’t know. That’s why I need the battery!”
Share:Twitter Facebook Linkedin Reddit Whatsapp Email
Show Him Your Badge

A DEA officer stopped at our farm yesterday.
Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
Unleash Chaos

“I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs,” he said.

I replied, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.”

The DEA officer exploded. “Mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!”

Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out his badge and shoved it in my face.

“See this fucking badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked, no answers given! Do I make myself clear? Do you understand?”

I nodded politely, apologized, and went back to my chores.

A short time later, I heard loud screams. I looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by my big old mean bull.

With every step, the bull was gaining ground, and it looked like the officer would get gored before he made it to safety.

So I threw down my tools, ran to the fence, and shouted at the top of my lungs:

“Your badge! Show him your fucking badge!”
Share:Twitter Facebook Linkedin Reddit Whatsapp Email
The Sax

I really want to break up with my jazz musician girlfriend, but I can’t.

The sax is too good.
Eclipse Colander

I was told I could look at the eclipse through a colander.

I tried it, but it strained my eyes.
Your Essay Must Start With an Attention Grabber – Barbecue Sauce on My Titties

teacher: your essay must start with an attention grabber

me: so i’m sitting there, barbecue sauce on my titties
Wife Gave Birth – How Soon Can We Have Sex? I’m Off Duty in Ten Minutes

My wife just gave birth today and after thanking the doctor, I pulled him aside and sheepishly asked, “How soon do you think we’ll be able to have sex?”

He winked at me and said, “I’m off duty in ten minutes, meet me in the car park.”
A Group of Fish Is Called a School – Americans:

“A group of fish is called a school.”

Americans:
Can You Take Our Picture? Move a Little to Your Right… Perfect

couple: “can you take our picture?”

me: “sure. can you move a little to your right? a little more. perfect.”
Beating My Meat at 3AM – My Apple Watch: Why Are You Running?

Me: *beating my meat at 3am*

My Apple Watch:

Why are you running?
Someone Finally Wrote a Book on Clock Fetishes – It’s About Fucking Time

WOW someone finally wrote a book on clock fetishes

it’s about fucking time