My wife accused me of cheating after she found all of the letters I had hidden.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
Format: short form
Short form comedy formats, jokes, memes, and punchlines organized for easier doom-scrolling from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Mrs Fire
I really miss Robin Williams. He was a legend!
Without a doubt my favorite movie of his was “Mrs Fire.”
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Being a Literalist
Being a literalist can sometimes be very helpful.
I can always respond to “Do these jeans make my ass look fat?” with a confident and honest “No.”
But I dread the day when she rephrases it as “Does my ass look fat in these jeans?”
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The Preacher and Mrs O’Malley
“Mrs O’Malley, good morning,” greeted the preacher.
“Good morning, Pastor,” she replied.
“Last week, your husband walked out during the sermon. I hope nothing too serious is the matter?”
“Nothing too serious, just that he has a tendency for sleepwalking.”
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Now This Is a Big Beautiful Penis
At my vasectomy consultation, the doctor said, “Now THIS is a big, beautiful penis!”
Then he pulled his pants back up and told me to get undressed.
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Bob and the Cheat Day
Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago.
Yesterday, his wife suggested they have a cheat day.
She came home with pizza and McDonald’s French fries.
Bob came home with his secretary.
Visiting hours for Bob are between 9:00am and 2:00pm at Jackson Memorial Hospital.
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The Husband Who Cried the Most
A bus full of housewives on a picnic trip tragically veered off a bridge and fell into a river. All the wives passed away…
Each husband cried for a week, except for one, who kept crying for more than two weeks!
When asked why he was so devastated, he replied miserably: “My wife missed the bus!”
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Had to Pop the Trunk
I won a balloon elephant at the fair and it wouldn’t fit in the back seat of the car. So I had to pop the trunk.
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The Toothbrush in the Toilet
My 4-year-old grandson came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment… then ran to my bathroom and came back with my toothbrush.
He held it up with a charming little smile and said, “We better throw this one out too… ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.”
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The End Was in Sight
As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns, I knew the end was in sight.
