Joke Type: absurdist

Absurdist jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Toilet Seat Scale

    Toilet Seat Scale

    Toilet seat scale shows you how much weight is lost after taking a dump

    INVEST

  • Fish Mr Brightside

    Fish Mr Brightside

    I’m comin’ out of the lake and I’ve been doin’ just fine, gotta gotta get out because I wanna walk.

    Started out as a fish, how did it end up like this?

    I was only a fish, I was only a fish.

  • Tyrannosaurus Shirt

    Tyrannosaurus Shirt

    Interesting fact: t-shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt

    Because of the short arms.

  • Lotion Wiener Heel

    Lotion Wiener Heel

    Bottom of my heel watching me lotion up my wiener for the 4th time today

  • 7 Antibiotics

    7 Antibiotics

    I gave you everything

    I know. I’m on 7 antibiotics

  • Beat A Motherfucker With Another Motherfucker

    Beat A Motherfucker With Another Motherfucker

    I’LL BEAT A MOTHERFUCKER….

    WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER!!!

  • First Cell Mitosis

    First Cell Mitosis

    The first cell that underwent mitosis must have been like

  • Heroin Balloon Butt

    Heroin Balloon Butt

    When you’re fucking a girl in the butt and a balloon of heroin plops out

    Don’t mind if I do.

  • Spicy Butt Pancakes

    Spicy Butt Pancakes

    DEEP THOUGHT: Why is spicy the only flavor my butt can detect?

    Why can’t I eat pancakes and then 14 hours later be like OOH PANCAKES AGAIN

  • Worm Early Birds

    Worm Early Birds

    if I was a worm I’d sleep in and make those early birds feel so fuckin dumb