[doctor looking at my xrays]
doctor: this is exactly what i was afraid of
me: what
doctor: skeletons
Joke Type: bait and switch
Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Or Get the Hose Again
ROSES ARE FOR VASES
LOTION’S FOR THE SKIN
YOU WILL BE MY VALENTINE
OR GET THE HOSE AGAIN. -
Small Pinch
DOCTOR: ur gonna feel a small pinch
ME: ouch
DOCTOR: alright I’m done pinching u, tell me why ur here
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Professional Hide-and-Seek Tournament
I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.
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Three Tons of Hair Stolen from Wig Factory
Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.
Police are combing the area.
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The Country Boy’s Three-Leg Riddle
A cocky lawyer tells a country boy, “If you can’t answer my question, you owe me $5. If I can’t answer yours, I owe you $5,000.”
The boy asks: “What has three legs going up a hill, but five legs coming down?”
The lawyer searches the internet for an hour, gives up, and hands the boy $5,000.
“Alright,” the lawyer snaps, “so what is it?”
The boy silently hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
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Patrick With Them Two Arseholes
Patrick died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean, were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Seamus said, “Yup, he’s burnt pretty bad. Roll him over.”
So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said, “Nope, it ain’t Patrick.”
The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, “Yup, he’s burnt real bad, roll him over.”
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, “No, it ain’t Patrick.”
The mortician asked, “How can you tell?”
Sean said, “Well, Patrick had two arseholes.”
“What? He had two arseholes?” asked the mortician.
“Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town, folks would say, ‘Here comes Patrick with them two arseholes…’”
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Not Her Father
At a wedding last weekend, I leaned over to the person beside me and whispered, “Wow… the bride isn’t exactly easy on the eyes.”
They turned to me and said, “Excuse me? That’s my daughter!”
I quickly replied, “I’m so sorry… I didn’t realize you were her father.”
“I’m not her father, you idiot,” they snapped. “I’m her mother!”
