Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • The Detective Exam

    A police officer is interviewing three recruits who are training to become detectives.

    To test their observational skills, he shows the first recruit a photograph of a suspect for five seconds before hiding it.

    “This is your suspect,” he says. “How would you recognize him?”

    The first recruit answers, “Easy. We’d catch him right away because he only has one eye.”

    The officer sighs. “That’s because I showed you his side profile.”

    Trying again, he shows the same photo to the second recruit for five seconds. “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?”

    The second recruit smiles confidently. “Even easier. He only has one ear.”

    Now the officer is furious. “What’s wrong with you two? Of course he only has one eye and one ear. It’s a side-profile photo! Can’t either of you come up with a better answer?”

    Completely exasperated, he turns to the third recruit. “This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?” Then he adds, “And think carefully before you give me another ridiculous answer.”

    The third recruit studies the photo for a moment. “The suspect wears contact lenses.”

    The officer blinks in surprise. He doesn’t actually know whether the suspect wears contacts.

    “That’s… an interesting observation. Wait here while I check his file.”

    A few minutes later, the officer returns with a huge smile. “Incredible! You’re right. The suspect really does wear contact lenses. How on earth did you figure that out?”

    “Simple,” the third recruit replies. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”

  • One Man’s Junk Is Another Man’s Treasure

    Why are gay dating sites so popular?

    Because one man’s junk is another man’s treasure.

  • A Couple of No Shows

    I was recently invited to a 3-way.

    There were a couple of no-shows but I still had a great time.

  • She’s Expecting a Baby

    My buddy set me up on a blind date and said, “Just so you know… she’s expecting a baby.”

    I felt pretty stupid showing up to the restaurant wearing nothing but a diaper.

  • If I Have to Roll My Own So Does She

    A man walks into a pharmacy and spends several minutes wandering up and down the aisles. Eventually, a clerk asks if he needs any help.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “I’m looking for a box of tampons for my wife,” he says.

    The clerk points him to the right aisle.

    A few minutes later, the man returns carrying a giant bag of cotton balls and a spool of string, then sets them on the counter.

    The clerk looks puzzled. “Sir, I don’t mean to be nosy, and feel free not to answer, but I thought you were buying tampons for your wife.”

    “You see,” the man says, “yesterday I sent my wife to the store for a carton of cigarettes. She came home with a tin of tobacco and a pack of rolling papers because, according to her, ‘It’s soooo much cheaper.’

    “So if I have to roll my own, so does she.”

  • Where Is That Monkey

    A lost dog wanders into a jungle. A lion spots him from a distance and thinks to himself, “That thing looks edible. I’ve never seen one of those before.”

    The lion starts charging toward the dog. The dog notices and begins to panic, but just as he’s about to run, he spots a pile of bones nearby.

    An idea hits him.

    He looks at the bones and says loudly, “Mmm… that was some good lion meat.”

    The lion abruptly stops. “Whoa,” he thinks. “This guy’s tougher than he looks. I’d better get out of here.”

    Watching from a nearby tree, a monkey has seen the whole thing. He realizes he can profit from the situation by telling the lion what really happened.

    The monkey catches up to the lion and tells him the truth.

    Furious, the lion growls, “Get on my back. We’ll go get him together.”

    The lion tears back through the jungle with the monkey riding on his back.

    The dog sees them coming and panics even more. Then he gets another idea.

    He looks around and yells, “Where the hell is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!”

  • Asking for My Feed Back

    I bought some birdseed from Amazon, and the very next day they emailed asking for my feed back. Not cool.

  • Too Much History Between Us

    I was at the museum, and I suddenly saw my ex on the other side of the exhibition hall. I didn’t go and say hello though.

    There was too much history between us.

  • I Can’t Wait to Rub It In

    I have been diagnosed with a rare condition and my doctor prescribed me some anti-gloating cream medication.

    I can’t wait to rub it in.

  • Which Vowel Is the Most Important

    The other day, a friend and I had this long pointless argument as to which vowel is the most important.

    I won.