Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • No Fuckin Chocolate

    A customer walks into an ice cream shop and asks for a pint of chocolate ice cream.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, may I get you a different flavor?”

    The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a quart of chocolate ice cream.

    The person behind the counter says, “I am sorry but we are out of chocolate ice cream, we have no chocolate ice cream. Is there a different flavor that I can offer you?”

    The customer thinks for a moment and asks for a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.

    The worker’s jaw drops and they reflect on this for a moment, then ask the customer, “Can you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla?”

    “What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘van’ in vanilla.”

    Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… V-A-N. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”

    “What?” exclaims the customer. “What does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘straw’ in strawberry.”

    Skeptically the customer says, “Um, okay… S-T-R-A-W. But what does that have to do—” The worker interrupts, “This will make sense in a moment if you spell the ‘fuck’ in chocolate.”

    The customer thinks for a moment and exclaims, “There is no ‘fuck’ in chocolate!”

    The worker replies, “Correct! That is what I have been trying to tell you — there is no fuckin’ chocolate.”

  • It Comes in Waves

    Therapist: What brings you in today?

    Me: I have a terrible fear of tsunamis.

    Therapist: How bad is it?

    Me: It comes in waves.

  • Ready To Settle Down

    Ready To Settle Down

    Her: I’m ready to settle down

    Also her:

    [photo of a giant sinkhole]

  • I’ve Come a Long Way

    It’s been 3 years since I started training for the ejaculation distance championships.

    Since then I’ve come a long way.

  • Only Sustained Light Injuries

    I accidentally ran into a lamp post. Thankfully, I only sustained light injuries.

  • Where Should I Put My Pants

    During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, “Where should I put my pants?”

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    “Over there by mine.” was not the answer I expected.

  • More Than Red and Blue Combined

    My least favourite colour is purple.

    I dislike it more than red and blue combined.

  • The Gym Teacher’s Demonstration

    A principal is in a health class telling them it will be sex education week and gym teacher Mr. Wilson will be teaching.

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    The principal exits the classroom, then comes in walking Mr. Wilson with a banana in hand.

    “Class, today I will be teaching you all how to properly put on a condom.”

    The kids look at him and the banana.

    Mr. Wilson tells them, “You’re probably wondering why I have a banana. Well, because it’s hard for me to get an erection on an empty stomach.”

  • Can You Tell the Time

    A drunk man comes home late. His wife sees him and angrily exclaims, “Are you drunk again?!”

    The man shakes his head and answers, “No, I am not drunk!”

    “Okay, then prove it. There’s a clock over there. Can you tell the time?”

    “Of course I can!” says the man.

    He turns toward the clock and screams, “Hey! I am not drunk!”

  • I Just Don’t See It

    My friend thinks that a woman in camouflage is really sexy.

    I just don’t see it.