Joke Type: bait and switch

Bait and switch jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • That Same Thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff Used to Do

    Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.

    Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

    “MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY…”

    Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.

    So Johnny tells her, “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy…”

    At this point, Johnny’s mother cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, so suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell the rest tonight.”

    At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car in the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and said, “…then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army!”

  • Helen Keller Orgy

    Helen Keller Orgy

    Helen Keller at her first orgy, circa 1900 colorized

  • Right Now I Just Want the Scotch

    An eight-year-old kid swaggered into the lounge and demanded of the barmaid, “Give me a double Scotch on the rocks.”

    “What do you want to do, get me in trouble?” the barmaid asked.

    “Maybe later,” the kid said. “Right now, I just want the Scotch.”

  • 30 to 1 Odds

    Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.

    When the day came, Little Johnny and his daddy got in the car and headed for the zoo. They were gone most of the day, and as the sun was setting, they arrived home.

    “So how was it?” his mother asked Little Johnny.

    “Great!” Little Johnny replied.

    “Did you and your father have a good time?” asked his mother.

    “Yeah, Daddy really liked it a lot,” exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, “especially when one of the horses came racing home at 30 to 1 odds!”

  • I Had It on the Tip of My Tongue

    Well today, little Johnnie’s class is on a field trip to the local mall to visit Santa Claus. Little Mary goes and sits on Santa’s lap and asks for her Barbie doll, and crayons and what have you. All the kids have their turn and it’s finally up to Johnnie to go up to see Santa.

    Little Johnnie goes to Santa and says, “Yo Santa, if you’re so smart and wise, can you tell me how to spell ‘clitoris’?”

    “Oh Gee Whiz Johnnie!” exclaims Santa all surprised. “I can’t remember now, you should have asked me that one yesterday, I had it on the tip of my tongue!”

  • I Know the Whole Truth

    At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

    Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, “I know the whole truth.”

    His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

    Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.”

    The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

    Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

    The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

    The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

  • Damned If I Know

    The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.

    Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

    “It’s a period” reported Johnnie.

    “Well I can see that” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period?”

    “Damned if I know” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy shit, Momma fainted and the man next door shot himself.”

  • My Big Electric Bill

    The other day, a homeless man asked me for a dollar.

    I told him that I only carry big bills. He asked me for one of those, so I gave him my electric bill.

  • Better Get a Model That Gets Better Mileage

    Little Johnny catches his parents shagging one afternoon. He yells in, “Hey, Pop! What are you doin’?”

    His father says, “Son, I’m filling your mother’s tank.”

    Johnny says, “Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage. The postman filled her this morning.”

  • You Could At Least Give It a Try

    “Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?”

    Little Johnny’s father said irately, “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.”

    “That’s okay,” replied Little Johnny, “You could at least give it a try, couldn’t you?”