Joke Type: dark humor

Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Hold Her Im Going Back for Yours

    A husband sits in a cab and sees his wife entering Trump Tower with another man and tells the driver, “Do you want to earn a 1,000 bucks right away?”

    The driver says, “Ok, what do I need to do?”

    “My wife just went in there with another man, bring her to me by the hair, let me show you a picture of her.”

    After a while the driver is seen dragging a woman by the hair, while she’s kicking and screaming. He opens the door and puts her in the cab.

    The husband says to him, “This is not my wife.”

    The driver replied, “I know, this one’s mine, hold her, now I’m going back for yours.”

  • This Is Going to Be Loud

    A blonde walked into a doctor’s office with a hole in her hand. The doctor told her that he had to report all gunshot wounds, and this was an obvious gunshot wound, so would she please explain how it happened?

    The blonde said, “Well, to be honest with you, I was trying to commit suicide, so first I stuck the gun in my mouth, but thought, wait a minute, I just had all that bridge work done, and I don’t want to ruin it. So, I pointed the gun between my eyes, and then thought, wait a minute, I just got a nose job not too long ago, and I don’t want to ruin it! Then I pointed the gun at my heart, and thought, wait a minute, I just had these boobs done, and I don’t want to ruin them! So then I stuck the gun in my ear, and thought, wait a minute, this is going to be loud!”