Dark humor jokes, grim punchlines, and comedy from the questionable end of the emotional buffet from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
Late one night, a thief broke into a widow’s house.
He pointed a gun and said, “You’ve got two choices… You can die… or you can enjoy.”
Terrified, the widow gave in.
Afterward, the thief fell asleep.
When morning came, the widow quietly took the gun from his hand and pointed it at him.
The thief woke up frozen in fear.
The widow smiled and said, “Now you have two choices… You can go home… or we can go again.”
While golfing, a guy accidentally overturns his golf cart in a tremendous crash.
A very attractive female golfer, who lives in a townhome overlooking the golf course, hears the crash and calls out, “Are you okay?”
“I’m okay, thanks,” says the guy, as he pulls himself from the twisted golf cart wreck.
She says, “Come up to my home, you can recover for a bit, and I’ll help you with the golf cart later.”
Even being a bit dizzy, the guy couldn’t help but notice that her bathrobe was partially open, revealing what appeared to be an amazing figure.
“That’s mighty nice of you,” he answers, “but I really don’t think my wife would approve.”
“Oh, come on now,” she insists.
She was so pretty, so very persuasive, and the guy was so relatively dazed!
“Well okay, but I’m quite sure my wife won’t be happy with me.”
After a couple of gin and tonics, he thanks her and says, “I feel a lot better, and I know that my wife is going to be really upset, so I’d best leave now.”
“Don’t be silly!” she said with a coquettish smile, letting her robe fall even slightly more open. “Stay for a while. She won’t know a thing, we can have another drink.” Then she asks, by the way, “Where is she, anyway?”
The guy replies, “Probably still under the cart, if I were to bet.”
A doctor calls his patient and says, “I have some bad news and some very bad news.”
The patient asks, “What is the bad news?”
The doctor replies, “Your test results came back and say that you have a fatal condition that will cause your death in 24 hours.”
The patient says, “That’s terrible! What is the very bad news?”
The doctor replies, “The results came back yesterday, but I was busy playing golf.”
