Joke Type: dialogue

Dialogue jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Bald Bitches

    Wife: Hey babe! I have to be honest with you about something.

    Husband: Okay?

    Wife: So the other night when you went out and you weren’t answering any of my texts or calls, I kind of went a little crazy.

    Husband: (alarmed) What have you done?

    Wife: I looked through your car and I couldn’t find any hair.

    Husband: Of course, you’re not gonna find any hair.

    Wife: So, you’re messing with bald bitches now? Is that what we’re into now? You go from one extreme to the next… like bald bitches.

    Husband: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!

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  • We Make Dildos Animal Testing

    We Make Dildos Animal Testing

  • Hello Am I What

    Hello Am I What

  • Named After Our Favorite Songs Ducktales

    Named After Our Favorite Songs Ducktales

  • She Wouldnt Be Able To Shes Left-Handed

    A young married couple are taking a nice stroll down a long and rather winding road. There was a long way till they got home and there was plenty of time to have a long drawn-out conversation, so the wife decided to ask her husband a question she had on her mind for a long time:

    Wife: “If I died, would you remarry?”

    Husband: “No, I love you too much to get married to a different woman.”

    Wife: “But you love being married, don’t you? So honestly. You’d get remarried wouldn’t you?”

    Husband: “Yeah, I guess I would get remarried eventually.”

    Wife: “Would you and your new wife live in our house?”

    Husband: “Yeah, where else would we live?”

    Wife: “Would you take down all the pictures of me and you together?”

    Husband: “Yeah, it would be very discourteous to her not to. I’d still keep the ones of me and you in my private drawer.”

    Wife: “Would you two sleep in our bedroom?”

    Husband: “Yeah, where else would we sleep?”

    Wife: “Would she use my golf clubs?”

    Husband: “No, she wouldn’t be able to, she’s left-handed!”

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  • Does It Hurt as Much as Tennis Elbow

    A man got on the train with both front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

    The puzzled blonde kept staring at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after several curious glances, he said, “It’s golf balls.”

    She kept looking, thinking hard, then finally asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?”

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  • To Get More Chalk

    Mike told Sarah he had the strangest dream last night.

    She asked what happened.

    He said he died and was walking up this huge staircase to heaven.

    She replied, “Okay… that’s already intense.”

    He continued that at the bottom they handed him a piece of chalk.

    Sarah asked, “Chalk? For what?”

    Mike explained they said, “Mark a step for every sin you’ve committed.”

    She said, “Wow… that’s terrifying.”

    He replied, “Yeah… I only got a few steps up…”

    She asked, “And then?”

    Mike said, “Then I saw you… running down the stairs.”

    Sarah exclaimed, “WHAT?! Why was I going down?!”

    Mike answered, “…to get more chalk.”

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  • A Royal Flush Beats a Pair

    Dolly Parton and King Charles happened to arrive at the Pearly Gates on the very same day.

    They were greeted by an angel who explained that, due to a paperwork mix-up, there was only one opening available in Heaven that afternoon.

    “I’m afraid I’ll have to decide which one of you gets in,” the angel said.

    The angel turned to Dolly and asked if there was any special reason she should be admitted.

    Dolly smiled, took off her top and said, “Look at these, they’re two of God’s most perfect creations and I’m sure it will please Him to be able to see them every day, for eternity.”

    The angel thanked her politely and then asked King Charles the same question.

    Without saying a word, the King walked over to a nearby restroom, pressed the handle, and flushed the toilet.

    The angel immediately turned and said, “Your Majesty, welcome to Heaven.”

    Dolly stared in disbelief and said, “Hold on just a minute. I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down, and he just flushed a toilet. How does that make sense?”

    The angel shrugged and replied, “Sorry, Dolly, but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair every time.”

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  • Couldnt Walk for a Year

    Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on gurneys next to each other, outside the operating room…

    The first kid asks, “What are you in here for?”

    The second kid says, “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

    The first kid says, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It’s a breeze.”

    The second kid then asks, “What are you here for?”

    The first kid says, “A circumcision.”

    And the second kid says, “Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born and couldn’t walk for a year.”

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  • Thats a Hard One

    Three nuns die and all go to Heaven. They are waiting at the pearly gates when St. Peter appears.

    “I will ask each of you one question,” he says. “You must answer correctly the first time, and you will be granted access to Heaven.”

    Of course, they are all nervous, but the first nun steps up.

    “Who was the first man created?” St. Peter asks.

    “Easy, that was Adam,” the nun replies gleefully.

    The gates open, music starts playing, and in she goes.

    “Next,” says St. Peter, turning to the second nun, “who was the first woman created?”

    “Eve, of course!” she replies.

    The gates open, music starts playing, and she enters.

    St. Peter then looks at the third nun and asks, “And what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?”

    The third nun looks puzzled, but she’s determined to get into Heaven. She thinks and thinks, then finally mutters under her breath, “Boy… that’s a hard one.”

    And the gates open, the music starts playing, and she walks into Heaven.

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