Joke Type: misunderstanding

Misunderstanding jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • But Then There Wouldnt Be a Siren

    A little boy, wearing a big red fire hat, was riding a toy fire truck down the street. The truck was being pulled by a beautiful Labrador Retriever. Unfortunately, the rope was tied around the dog’s privates, and as a consequence, the truck was going very slowly.

    A man walking down the street noticed how slowly the boy was being pulled and gently said to him, “You know, son, that truck would go a lot faster if the rope was tied around your dog’s neck.”

    The boy nodded in agreement and said, “But then there wouldn’t be a siren.”

  • Which One Sir the 8:30 or the 10:30

    One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.”

    “Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque.

    “Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.

    “Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service”, replied the pastor.

    Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”

  • Didnt Expect ME Did Ya

    Little Johnnie was late for class, and when he saw that the door was already closed, he opened it and went into the classroom tentatively. He very quietly shut the door and tiptoed to his seat hoping not to get the teacher after him.

    This upset the teacher, who said to him, “Johnnie, is this how your father would have come in — late and sneaking to his seat? Go out and try it again, and get it right this time!”

    So, Little Johnnie left the room and shut the door behind him quietly, as he’d come in. Then a moment later, he flung open the door with a clatter and stomped back into the room with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips. He slammed the door behind him, put his cigarette out on the carpet with his foot and said, “So Honey, didn’t expect ME, did ya?”

  • Put Johnnie in the Fifth Grade

    A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Johnnie what is your problem?” Johnnie answered, “I’m too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!”

    The teacher had had enough. She took Johnnie to the principal’s office. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed.

    Johnnie was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

    Principal: “What is 3 x 3?”
    Johnnie: “9.”

    Principal: “What is 6 x 6?”
    Johnnie: “36.”

    And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, “I think Johnnie can go to the third grade, just as he thought.”

    The teacher says to the principal, “Let me ask him some questions, and I’m sure you will see the reasons I am hesitant about Johnnie’s advancement!” The principal and Johnnie both agreed.

    The teacher asked, “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?” Johnnie, after a moment, replied, “Legs.”

    Teacher: “Ok, you got that right, but I know I’ll get you. What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”

    The principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnnie replied, “Pockets.”

    Teacher: “What does a dog do that a man steps into?”
    Johnnie: “Pants”

    Teacher: “What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a lot of excitement?”
    Johnnie: “Firetruck”

    Little Johnnie had been studying, and he’d not fall for any of her tricks… nothing would hold him back if he could help it!

    The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, “Put Johnnie in the FIFTH grade. I missed the last four questions myself!”

  • I Think He Wants to Buy Mom

    Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?”

    “Because I’m thinking of buying these horses.”

    Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away!”

    “Why?” his father asked.

    “Because the milkman stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!”

  • I Am Sorry Youre So Ugly

    Little Johnny said to his aunt Tess: “My God, you’re ugly, aren’t you!”

    His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the kitchen. “You naughty boy!”, she screamed, “How can you say to your aunt that she’s ugly! You go right in and apologise to her! Tell her you’re sorry!”

    Little Johnny entered the living room, walked over to his aunt and said: “Aunt Tess, I am sorry you’re so ugly”

  • Who Fucks the Stork

    Two-year-old little Johnnie was being bounced up and down on his grandad’s knee when he suddenly asked, “Gwandad, where do babies come fwom?”

    Grandad was a bit shocked and thought a bit: he then said, “Why my boy, they come from the stork.”

    After about two minutes little Johnnie said, “Gwandad… who fucks the stork?”

  • Ive Never Seen a Smaller Dick in My Life

    A man goes to a urologist.

    Urologist: “Sir, please take off your pants and underpants”.

    The man does so.

    Urologist: “I’m warning you, this is going to hurt”.

    The man says that he’s ready.

    Urologist, laughing: “I’ve never seen a smaller dick in my life!”

  • Email and Bacon

    Email and Bacon

    Email and Bacon?! This car has everything

  • Deaf Gang Signs

    Deaf Gang Signs

    Him: I try to talk and she just mumbles and throws up gang signs

    Her: *signals* I’m deaf