My hand right after I wake up in the morning:
On my way woody!
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Bryan County Bond
BRYAN COUNTY JAIL
WOMAN IN BRYAN COUNTY SUCKS OFF MAN’S PENIS
Doyle Hargraves
HOW MUCH IS HER BOND?
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Spiderman Eats Thieves
Spider-Man Spider-Man
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web Any size
Catches thieves Eats those guys
Hey wait Don’t do that Spider-Man
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Jesus Lepers TV
My favorite Bible story is probably the one where Jesus tells the lepers to get used to the idea that a lot of them are going to die, and then he goes on TV to brag about what a great job he’s doing.
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Girl Without Arms Bed
Just remember that somewhere out there, a girl without arms… is trying to make her bed.
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Be a Pet Fish
I think it would be great to be a pet fish, except for that part where they taste their floating poop to see if it’s food.
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Birds and Bees: No Homework Allowed
My mother told my father to tell me about the birds and the bees. He took me to Coney Island, pointed to a couple making love under the boardwalk, and said, “Your mother wants you to know that the birds and the bees do the same thing.” –George Burns
A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.”
“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
“How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?”
“That I should take measures. That’s what I did! I took measures and then went with the biggest.”“Sex education has its own special problems,” an instructor in the field pointed out to me. “One of my students has become pregnant, and I don’t know whether to flunk her or give her extra credit.”
