Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I’m surprised I’ve never seen a Facebook status update reading,

I’m surprised I’ve never seen a Facebook status update reading, “Rubbing one out… typing this with one hand.” Well, I guess SOMEone’s gotta do it.
I think we’re spoiled with today’s technological advancements.

I think we’re spoiled with today’s technological advancements. In fact, when I’m not videoconferencing or web-chatting, I find myself disappointed at not being able to say, “Stop staring at my tits, you moron.”
At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash,

At parties, people always ask doctors to look at their rash, plumbers to look at their clogged drain, or investment bankers for stock tips. I wonder if porn stars have people pestering them at parties to pretend to deliver pizza or make that fuck-face look they all do on the DVD covers. I know I would.
Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine

Don’t you hate it when you’re masturbating to Christine O’Donnell and just about to cum and Rosie O’Donnell pops into your head?
My boyfriend loves getting my titty pics on his cell phone. The

My boyfriend loves getting my titty pics on his cell phone. The dude in line in front of him at Starbucks doesn’t like it nearly as much, though.
I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product

I have a feeling that if a company ever marketed a product called “Bag o’ Titties,” guys would find a way to sneak one into the shopping cart.
The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is

The thing I like best about being a professional carpet layer is when some housewife naively asks me to make sure that the carpet matches the drapes.
Hooters must not pay much. The women working there can’t afford

Hooters must not pay much. The women working there can’t afford to buy shorts that fit or shirts that aren’t ripped — or even soap to wash off the skank every night when they’re done.
There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born

There’s a sucker born every minute, but there’s an asshole born every 30 seconds.
The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire

The good thing about my job in Staffing is that when I hire people to fuck me, I can ask to re-interview them over and over.