Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up

But in the end, it’s always my dick that somehow ends up grabbing my attention. (Jim Woodruff My new girlfriend is the sexiest woman in the world: big firm breasts, gorgeous eyes and lips, luscious curving hips, long and thick peni– hey, wait just a fucking minute! Oh, my god. I can’t believe this! She totally forgot to wish me a happy one-week anniversary!
I try listening to my heart, really I do

I try listening to my heart, really I do.
I know a comedienne who is a natural at making up practical

I know a comedienne who is a natural at making up practical jokes about oral sex. You might say she has a good gag reflex.
I am routinely disgusted upon seeing my wife’s issues of

I am routinely disgusted upon seeing my wife’s issues of “Fitness” and “Shape” magazines, with scantily attired women adorning the cover. I mean, they *always* find a way to put the damn mailing label on top of the cameltoe!
I think all in-flight movies should be porn. That way the Mile

I think all in-flight movies should be porn. That way the Mile High Club assholes could get if over with faster so the rest of us could use the damn toilet.
Sometimes you witness something so utterly amazing and

Sometimes you witness something so utterly amazing and emotionally moving that you can’t help from screaming out, “Holy shit! That dog is licking his own balls!”
I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability

I think God made a deal with cats and dogs. They got the ability to lick their privates in exchange for having to lick their own butts clean.
This morning I was licking a delicious Tootsie Roll and thought

This morning I was licking a delicious Tootsie Roll and thought to myself, “Who cares how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center? It’s the licking for hours I’m good at and enjoy so much.”
In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my

In high school, I used to hold a notebook in front of my appendage to hide the wood I was sporting. Now that I’m older and more mature, I throw a parade in its honor.
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?