When I went to leave my house today, there were so many birds outside that it was really scary, like an Alfred Hitchcock movie. I can’t think of which one, though.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would
I think it would be cool if they came out with an “Extreme Wonderbra,” where guys would never know beforehand what was behind it — like a wolverine or a pizza.
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When I was a little kid we had a hamster.
When I was a little kid we had a hamster. One day the hamster ate its newborn babies. That was pretty gross, so we decided to just go ahead and get rid of it. We took it down the road and left it to fend for itself. It was a great lesson for a kid to learn, because I knew what to do 12 years later when the exact same thing happened with my sister.
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Behind every successful man is a strong woman, except for the man who invented that
Behind every successful man is a strong woman, except for the man who invented that talking sex robot.
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If you’re flying somewhere, don’t even think about sitting next to the pilot.
If you’re flying somewhere, don’t even think about sitting next to the pilot. Not only is that seat reserved for the co-pilot, but yelling “Shotgun!” in an airport pretty much guarantees they’re not going to let you on the plane.
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We all have regrets from time to time.
We all have regrets from time to time. I’m sure one day I’ll be lying on my deathbed wishing that I had just spent the extra money to get some other, better kind of bed.
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If you’re ever invited to a NAMBLA Halloween party, a good idea for a costume would be
If you’re ever invited to a NAMBLA Halloween party, a good idea for a costume would be to go as Dateline NBC’s Chris Hanson.
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Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon
Every day I wake up, it gives me comfort to realize that there’s at least one thing upon which all faiths and creeds around the world can agree: There are serious and obvious flaws in all religions except their own.
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Women can be so damned picky.
Women can be so damned picky. How was I supposed to know the chocolate hearts she wanted for Valentine’s Day were 100% chocolate and not just chocolate-filled *actual* hearts?
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The first 30 years of my life, I was intense and results-driven.
The first 30 years of my life, I was intense and results-driven. In my current 30, I am more circumspect and purpose-driven. I suppose my next 30 will likely find me arthritic and Rascal-driven.
