Joke Type: observational

Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Back In My Day Hippies

    Back In My Day Hippies

    BaCk iN mY DaY wE WeReN’t sO eAsiLy oFfEndEd

    Back in your day: LONG HAIR IS COMMUNISM STOP HIPPIES MARCH OF THE CHRIST MOVE THEM HIPPIES NORTH

  • Spidey Socks Underwear

    Spidey Socks Underwear

    When she sees that my Spidey man socks match my Spidey man underwear

  • Die Positive Surroundings

    Die Positive Surroundings

    The doctor said if i can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.

    I’m going to die.

  • Spirit Animal Pig

    Spirit Animal Pig

    The search is over… I found my spirit animal

    Pig in Australia steals 18 beers from campers, gets drunk, fights cow.

  • Black Republican Committee

    Black Republican Committee

    Did you bring the black guy? No… did you? I thought you had him.

    DURHAM REPUBLICAN PARTY

    BLACK REPUBLICAN COMMITTEE

  • Margaret Glasses

    Margaret Glasses

    Seriously Margaret… Don’t you think it’s about time you got glasses?

  • Advantages Older Woman

    Advantages Older Woman

    When she’s getting ready to show you the advantages of dating an older woman…

  • The Only Way I Can See the Numbers

    When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, “Ha! That’s not going to help!” I replied, “Sure, it does.”

    “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

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  • Yeehaw or Heeyaw

    I need to know something: Is it “Yeehaw” or “Heeyaw”? I’m riding in my first rodeo and don’t want to sound like a total idiot.

  • Top 15 Things Said by Celebrities During Sex

    The Top 15 Things Said by Celebrities During Sex

    Clean Mode hides the spicy parts.
    Unleash Chaos

    15. Madonna: “Dammit, you’re blocking the mirror!”

    14. Verizon Wireless guy: “Can you feel me now? Good. Can you feel me now? Good. Can you….”

    13. Charlie Sheen: “Do you take MasterCard?”

    12. Susan Sarandon: “Let’s just continue with the inspections for a little while longer.”

    11. Anna Nicole Smith: “Quick! Someone get a defibru… a defebrul… a diffruberal… a doctor!!”

    10. Jack Webb: “Just relax, Ma’am.”

    9. Andy Rooney: “Didja ever notice how sometimes your anus contracts during orgasm? Why is that?”

    8. Winona Ryder: “How the hell should *I* know where your wallet is?!?”

    7. Ben Affleck: “Thank you, Satan!”

    6. Steve Irwin: “Crikey! A whopper like that could swallow a guy whole!”

    5. Tony Blair: “Mind if I call you ‘Georgie’?”

    4. Pat Sajak: “Yes, I can give you an ‘O’ — in fact, I can give you several!”

    3. Wilt Chamberlain: “Next!”

    2. Michael Jackson: “Where’s your daddy? Where’s your daddy?!?”

    1. Simon Cowell: “That was horrible! Just dreadful. I believe you may be the worst sex partner in the world! I mean it, that was absolutely atrocious. I wouldn’t even call that sex.”

    [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
    [ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

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