It seems odd that Charlie Brown’s parents never noticed that their 8-year-old son was suffering from severe clinical depression. I guess they had their own problems, what with those speech impediments and all.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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It’s odd how you can combine two negative words, like “sham” and “poo,” and get a
It’s odd how you can combine two negative words, like “sham” and “poo,” and get a personal hygiene product that people use every day. At least that was my thinking when I invented the Poo Sham.
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Humor tip: Exasperatedly muttering to your wife, “Time to make the doughnuts,” as you
Humor tip: Exasperatedly muttering to your wife, “Time to make the doughnuts,” as you get out of bed in the morning? Funny. Doing the same when she asks you for sex? Not so much.
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One day a neighbor kid named Billy and I spent a whole afternoon and well into the night
One day a neighbor kid named Billy and I spent a whole afternoon and well into the night digging a hole in the back yard with a spoon and a little plastic beach pail. We were going to find buried treasure or dig all the way to China — who knows? The important thing was that it took our minds off of what a great time our more popular classmates were probably having that night at the senior prom.
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Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because
Don’t you hate it when the car behind you rams into yours and you can’t get mad because that person’s car was actually already parked and the driver wasn’t even there when it happened?
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If you have multiple personality disorder, could one of your additional personalities
If you have multiple personality disorder, could one of your additional personalities also have their own multiple personality disorder? ‘Cause that would up the suck factor exponentially — especially if they need separate toothbrushes.
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If you’re the nudist/exhibitionist type, don’t buy a house with big picture windows in a
If you’re the nudist/exhibitionist type, don’t buy a house with big picture windows in a neighborhood with a homeowners association. Who needs neighbors telling you when it’s time to trim down there?
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I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill
I used to hate it when some glib moron would tack on “…if I told you, I’d have to kill you” to the end of a sentence. Now I secretly record those guys — if I’m ever murdered, all these morons will get taken in for questioning.
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After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I
After suffering severe puncture wounds without shooting any goop on my opponent, I realized I was simply outgunned. Never bring caulk to a nailgun fight.
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Sometimes I wonder what my daughter would think if she ever read my Ruminations.
Sometimes I wonder what my daughter would think if she ever read my Ruminations. But then I remember she goes to public school, so it’s unlikely she’ll ever learn to read.
