I only seem to get sick on weekdays.
I must have a weekend immune system.
Joke Type: observational
Observational jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
-
Disgruntled Employee
For the Halloween party at work this year, I went as a disgruntled employee.
The costume was simple: all I had to do was wear my regular clothes and improve my attitude.
-
Turning Point USA Irony
Turning Point USA was founded in 2012 by Charlie Kirk and Bill Montgomery.
Two of their major policy pushes were a more prominent gun culture and zero COVID restrictions.
Bill Montgomery died to the COVID virus.
Charlie Kirk died to gun violence.
-
A Stolen Car
Two police officers stood beside a man who was bitterly crying.
“Wow,” said one police officer, “he must have really loved that car.”
“Not really,” said the other police officer. “It was five years old but fully insured. He’s crying because he just filled his gas tank.”
-
Do You Swear? No.
judge: do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
me: no
judge: [covers mic] what do I do
-
The Centipede’s Errand
An ant, a spider, and a centipede are holding a party.
The ant realizes that they are running low on beer. He offers to head out to buy some more. The centipede says, “No, let me do it. You’d take too long. I have a lot more legs than you — I can do it faster!” The bugs agree.
Ten minutes pass… then twenty minutes, then thirty, then more. The spider asks, “What’s taking him so long?” The ant decides to head out to investigate. He opens the front door and sees the centipede outside.
The ant asks, “Hey man, what’s taking you so long?”
The centipede replies, “I’m still putting on my shoes.”
