Joke Type: one-liner

One-liner jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I highly doubt they’ll be able to find 12 other bipolar

I highly doubt they’ll be able to find 12 other bipolar anal-insertion fetishist
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me ’cause I won’t let you cum in my hair.
Memo to my blind date: It doesn’t matter if I’m a virgin or a

Memo to my blind date: It doesn’t matter if I’m a virgin or a vegan, I just wanted you to eat ME, dork.
My girlfriend is ridiculously sexy. In fact, she brought the

My girlfriend is ridiculously sexy. In fact, she brought the sexy back so far, I had to buy a DeLorean just to sleep with her.
I don’t know what I’m going to miss the most about my girlfriend

I don’t know what I’m going to miss the most about my girlfriend now that we’re ending our relationship, but I’ve narrowed it down to one of three things: her tits, her tits, or her tits.
I went up to a gorgeous woman in a bar and said, “You know, you

I went up to a gorgeous woman in a bar and said, “You know, you can’t spell ‘cunnilingus’ without ‘us.’” She made a fist and said, “And you can’t spell ‘blowjob’ without ‘ow’!”
Hey, if you don’t want your ball inflated, don’t ask me to blow you

Hey, if you don’t want your ball inflated, don’t ask me to blow you.
The elevator at work is possessed by horny demons! Every time I

The elevator at work is possessed by horny demons! Every time I get in, there’s a mystical voice that says, “Going down.”
So if you DON’T take any Viagra, then have 4-hour erection

So if you DON’T take any Viagra, then have 4-hour erection during a 4-hour threesome with two smoking hot women, are you still supposed to call a doctor? *I* did, but pretty much just to brag.
Nothing says “double standard” like pre-wedding celebrations:

Nothing says “double standard” like pre-wedding celebrations: Penis Tiara? Okay! Vagina Hat? Not so much.