Joke Type: shock value

Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I awoke all sticky after falling asleep on the set of an animal

I awoke all sticky after falling asleep on the set of an animal porn film. It’s something I don’t normally do
I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up

I gave a presentation today in front of 50 people and ended up doing a power puke into the garbage can next to the podium. I was later reprimanded by my boss, who told me a real woman would have swallowed.
My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy

My boyfriend’s diabetes is so bad that when I dressed as Candy the Stripper for Halloween, he refused to eat me.
Hotel sex is great, but I hate having to ask housekeeping to

Hotel sex is great, but I hate having to ask housekeeping to clean around the tied-up midget.
Some woman in traffic yelled out her window at me, “You suck!”

Some woman in traffic yelled out her window at me, “You suck!” Well, duh. How do you think we careened off the guardrail and into oncoming traffic in the first place?
Advice: Never try to put your dick in a blood pressure checking

Advice: Never try to put your dick in a blood pressure checking machine. It doesn’t feel as good as you would think, and they’ll ban you from Walgreens for life.
I think that for Halloween I’ll dress as a candy bar with a sign

I think that for Halloween I’ll dress as a candy bar with a sign that says “Eat Me,” then visit Overeaters and Sex Addicts support groups and see who cries more.
I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the

I never follow fashion trends. The way I see it is if the fashion industry is too afraid to show off their new paisley butt-plug, who needs their opinions?
Turns out I didn’t desperately need a nap after all; I just

Turns out I didn’t desperately need a nap after all; I just needed an orgasm. My apologies again to the other patrons of Costco’s bedding department.
What a mess! I thought they were roofies

What a mess! I thought they were roofies