Joke Type: shock value

Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I learned a new word today: “Sploogemaster.” Or was it

I learned a new word today: “Sploogemaster.” Or was it “Sploogemeister”? Either way, it totally got me kicked out of Chuck-E-Cheese.
If you’re stranded at a cannibal commune and forced to eat a

If you’re stranded at a cannibal commune and forced to eat a penis butter and jelly sandwich, at least tell them you’d prefer they used creamy, not chunky.
“It shakes all over like a jellyfish, and I like it, crazy

“It shakes all over like a jellyfish, and I like it, crazy little thing called love.” Wow, Freddie Mercury must’ve been a terrible fuck.
While I was showering, the little voices in my head were saying,

While I was showering, the little voices in my head were saying, “Soap up those tits more! Keep soaping those knockers!” Then I realized I never turned off Skype.
Have you ever tried to donkey-punch yourself when jerking off?

Have you ever tried to donkey-punch yourself when jerking off? The toughest part is figuring out which sock puppet gets to do the deed.
When I asked my boyfriend to give me a “shocker,” I wasn’t

When I asked my boyfriend to give me a “shocker,” I wasn’t expecting him to tell me that he fucked my mom.
I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure

I saved some $5,000 in potential counseling bills trying to cure my scat fetish, and all it took was having to change my twin nieces’ diapers over the holiday weekend.
When I was in high school, I was abducted by an alien and anally

When I was in high school, I was abducted by an alien and anally probed. I don’t remember what the alien looked like, though, because it disguised itself as my wrestling coach and forced me to drink a mind-control drug from a tequila bottle.
I’m gonna get a realistic tattoo of a huge penis on my right

I’m gonna get a realistic tattoo of a huge penis on my right forearm. Then when I do that drunken trick where I open my zipper and stick my arm through it, people will totally freak the fuck OUT.
I started a new meme on Facebook: Enter the first two and last

I started a new meme on Facebook: Enter the first two and last two letters of your last name to uncover your “Alec Baldwin name.” No matter what you enter, the translation results in “FUCK YOU, *THAT’S* MY NAME.”