Joke Type: shock value

Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

I like chicks unshaven down there. No woman who can’t even

I like chicks unshaven down there. No woman who can’t even support a colony of crab lice is gonna raise MY kids.
You wanna see Richter scale action? Try me, on a trampoline, braless

You wanna see Richter scale action? Try me, on a trampoline, braless.
My wife can’t figure out why I love staying up late to do our

My wife can’t figure out why I love staying up late to do our taxes. What she doesn’t know is that my process involves writing “I.R.S.” on the forehead of a blow-up doll and repeatedly ramming it in the ass.
(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction

(Jilly G.) It finally dawned on me that I had a sex addiction when I found myself asking the pharmacist what I could use to treat penis calluses.
I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct

I think my boyfriend was upset about the anatomically correct snow replica I sculpted of him. Maybe it was that baby carrot.
I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a

I’d like to be crowned Ms. Filthy Ruminations. Instead of a sash, I think I’d wear some crotchless panties and sparkly pasties. Now who do I bribe to get the title?
You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately

You know when you send a stupid email, then have to immediately send another saying, “Oops, I hit send too soon!”? Well, I like to instead write, “Oops, I was playing with my clit and clicked the wrong button!” That way, they totally forget about the stupid email.
So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great

So which is worse: Telling your wife that her 86-year-old great aunt “accidentally” touched your junk when you were pity-dancing with her at the wedding reception, or that you cut off your johnson with a plastic knife in the reception hall’s bathroom in order to make sure such a nightmarish vignette never plays out again?
Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my

Those damn IT security Nazis! What I do in my free time with my laptop is between me and the cleaning lady who digs the tissues out of my trash bin.
The problem with being a scat freak with a cold is that nobody

The problem with being a scat freak with a cold is that nobody knows what to think when you tell them you feel like fucking shit.