When the hooker you just drowned still has another 10 minutes you paid for
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Joke Type: shock value
Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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She Can Only Fasten 8
The teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Good, but I wanted the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8.”
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Family Racist
SADLY LEARNED MY FAMILY WAS RACIST. I DATED A BLACK GIRL AND BROUGHT HER HOME TO MEET THE THEM.
MY WIFE AND KIDS WOULDN’T EVEN TALK TO HER.
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First Football Game Sex
MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME WAS A LOT LIKE THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX
I WAS BLOODY AND SORE BUT AT LEAST MY DAD CAME
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Shot 38 Times Suicide
HEAR ABOUT THAT BLACK GUY WHO WAS SHOT 38 TIMES?
WORST CASE OF SUICIDE WE’VE EVER SEEN
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Jew In Oven
Carryout Orders:
76 LINDSEY – Now – Ready
78 MARTIN SCHMIDT – Now – Ready
79 LYNN MURRAY – Now – Ready
81 JEW – 4 minutes – In Oven
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Coronavirus Squirrel Ass
Coronavirus panic day 3: I was forced to catch a squirrel today, not for food, I just used it to wipe my ass… It was not happy
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Top 15 Rejected Slogans Promoting Abstinence
The Top 15 Rejected Slogans Promoting Abstinence
15. Abstinence: Give Yourself a Hand!
14. I say zip it — zip it good!
13. Just because it’s the most pleasurable sensation you’ll ever feel in your lifetime doesn’t mean you should rush right out and experience it.
12. Hey, do you want Ken Starr all over your ass?!
11. Wham, Bam, Thank You Hand!
10. Just Say Whoa
9. Join the celibate Top 5 Contributors!
8. The Pope does it — now *you* can, too!
7. Abstinence: It’s not just for quarrels anymore!
6. Leave It Near Beaver
5. Don’t think of it as less sex — think of it as more time to watch “Babylon 5” reruns.
4. You’ve come a long way, Baby — for nothing!
3. Abstinence: No f**kin’ way!
2. Spend a little time away from the orifice.
1. “Hello, this is President Clinton with an important message for young people…”
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ] -
Top 13 Signs Youre a Slut
The Top 13 Signs You’re a Slut (R-rated)
16. AT&T gives you a volume discount for monthly booty calls.
15. Charlie Sheen keeps spraying you with Lysol.
14. Your only concern is whether he’s breathing or not, and rigor mortis can waive that requirement.
13. Kid Rock declines because he considers you “too skanky.”
12. You had an access-card reader installed in your ass crack.
11. The city finally broke down and built a freeway exit ramp directly to your driveway.
10. Your breast “accidentally” pops out on national TV during a halftime show.
9. Forget dinner and a movie — *you* settle for malt liquor and Polaroids.
8. Last night, you had sex with the entire band… the New York Philharmonic.
7. You make weekly lingerie runs to Costco.
6. During your scheduled OB/GYN appointment, you surprise the doctor by wearing edible panties. With maple syrup poured on them.
5. Even Cardinal Law won’t cover for you any more.
4. You’ve X’ed out every square in this month’s Kama Sutra Bingo card. Come to think of it, you actually *invented* Kama Sutra Bingo.
3. You legally changed your name to Slutty McSlut.
2. “You had me at ‘Gesundheit!’”
1. Drive-through customer: “Two cheeseburgers and a vanilla shake.”
Your response: “You want sex with that?”[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ] -
Top 12 Pickup Lines at the Masturbate-a-Thon (X-Rated)
The Top 12 Pickup Lines Used at the Masturbate-a-Thon (X-rated version)
12. “Can I interest you in a protein shake?”
11. “Hey, handsome. Would you like some coffee with that cream?”
10. “Hey, is that a cucumber in your pocket? And if so, can I borrow it for about 15 minutes?”
9. “Avoid the clam dip.”
8. “I don’t mean this to sound like a typical pick-up line, but you have beautiful labia.”
7. “Hello, Richard. My name’s Dick. Have you met my friend, Peter?”
6. “How’d you like to blow this joint?”
5. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put ‘goo’ and ‘eye’ together.”
4. “Care to get rid of the sock and slip into something more comfortable?”
3. “Come here to come here often?”
2. “Oops — sorry about that. Consider it a compliment. Can I get you a towel?”
1. “Wanna fuck? No? Okay…
Wanna fuck? No? Okay…
Wanna fuck? No? Okay…
Wanna fuck? Yes? Great!”
