I really enjoy taking out the trash from my new home. It’s hard to explain, but walking the trash to the curb the night before trash day really makes me feel like a homeowner. Especially now that I’ve taken out the bodies of the previous owners.
Joke Type: shock value
Shock value jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Room 319
A man went to a whorehouse to get some practice performing oral sex on his old lady. The woman at the front desk gave him a key and told him to go to room 319. He went in and there he saw his lady of the evening. He told her why he was there and she gave him a few pointers and told him to get down to it.
He began performing oral sex and was, by her reaction, pretty good at it. But something strange happened. About five minutes into the deed he felt something in his mouth. He stealthily spit it into his hand and saw to his amazement that it was a piece of carrot.
“Oh man, that’s fuckin nasty!” he thought, but he said nothing and continued. Five minutes later he came up with a pea.
“Christ! I can’t take this much more. There’s something wrong with this bitch.” But again he said nothing and gave it one more shot. This time it was a piece of chicken. He could stand it no longer.
“Fuck! I can’t do this anymore! I’m gonna throw up!”
“That’s funny,” the hooker said, “That’s what the last guy did.”
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Broken Condoms Couch
Him: Why are broken condoms on the couch?
Her: Would you PLEASE start using our children’s real names?
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Joel Osteen Phrasing
Do not swallow anything Satan is trying to ram down your throat. Jesus comes first. – Joel Osteen
HOLY SHIT, JOEL!
PHRASING!!
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Angry Raccoon
angry raccoon
When banging a girl from behind, you stick both your pointer fingers in her ass, and when she turns around in shock, you take your shitty fingers and circle around her eyes, making the appearance of a raccoon. Then you run out of the house, knocking over the trash can on the way out.
After a visit to the zoo, I felt compelled to give my girl the angry raccoon.
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Wont Do What You Tell Me
FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME
MOTHERFUCKER……..UGGGGH!!!!
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Not Good Enough For Her Family
A redneck is on his honeymoon about to make love, when his wife says…
“Wait, honey, there’s somethin’ I need you to know. I’m a virgin.”
“WHAT THE FOOK?” The man shouts, and he punches her in the face, knocks her out.
He wraps her in the bedsheets, drags her down the stairs and out the door, throws her into the back of his pickup truck, and drives on over to her daddy’s house, where he dumps her in the yard.
Then the man drives to his daddy’s house and goes inside.
The dad sees his son, and says, “What the hell you doin’ here, boy? Ain’t you supposed to be with your new bride?”
“Well, pa,” the son says, “I was, but she told me she’s still a virgin.”
“Well holy dog-shit,” says the dad, “What’d you do then?”
“I punched her in the face and knocked her out, wrapped her up in the sheets, drug her down the stairs and out the door, threw her in the back of my pick up, and then drove on to her daddy’s house and dumped her on the lawn.”
The dad starts laughing, and, patting his son on the back, he says, “Good job, son. If she ain’t good enough for her family, I say she ain’t good enough for ours neither.”
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Something I Dont Know
hmm.. lovely weather today
pft
tell me something I don’t know
your Grandma’s ass can take my whole fist..
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Stuck Up Cunts
What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing.
They’re stuck up cunts.
