What’s the term for getting a handjob from a single mom?
A MILF shake.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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Posterchild for Posterchildren
I’m glad that there isn’t a disease where children are born with thin paper bodies. Although I guess it might be fun to be the posterchild for posterchildren.
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OJ Simpson Wanted to Move to West Virginia
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
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Wouldnt I Wooden Eye
There was a seaman who had a wooden eye because he was a tight mean bastard who refused to pay for a professionally made eyeball. However he was very sensitive about people making fun of his eyeball. One night after being at sea for several months and being tight with money, he thought he would try his luck at the local pubs for some pussy instead of going with the other guys to proposition some of the local prostitutes.
He struck pay dirt by meeting a lady with the most marvelous figure. However, instead of her mouth going across her face, it went vertically straight up and down. On arriving back at the woman’s place and making small talk, the lady said she would like him to leave as she wanted her sleep.
This got the seaman angry as he wanted some pussy and told her she wouldn’t have been any good in bed anyway. She yelled “WOULDN’T I” and the seaman thought she had said wooden eye, and being very sensitive about his eye he retorted “WHO ARE YOU CALLING WOODEN EYE CUNT FACE”.
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Y2KY Jelly
The manufacturers of KY Jelly have announced that their product is now fully Year 2000 compliant.
In the light of this they have now renamed it as: Y2KY Jelly.
Said a spokesman: “The main benefit of this revision to our product, is that you can now insert four digits into your date instead of two.”
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How Many Perverts Does It Take to Put in a Light Bulb and Other One-Liners
How many perverts does it take to put in a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out!What did the Indian say when the white man tied his penis in a knot?
“How come?”What’s the definition of a teenager?
God’s punishment for enjoying sex.Did you hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
They’ll never see you coming.What do you call kinky sex with chocolate?
S&M&M.What does Kodak film have in common with a condom?
They both capture that special moment.Define Transvestite:
A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.What do you call twelve naked men sitting on each others shoulders?
A scrotum pole!What’s the ultimate in rejection?
When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.Why don’t debutantes go to orgies?
There’d be too many thank you notes to write.What is every Amish woman’s private fantasy?
Two Mennonite!Why is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.Can you say three two letter words that denote small?
Is it in?What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A bingo machine.What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers?
One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year. -
Eats Shoots and Leaves
A prostitute enters a pub and notices a Panda bear sitting at the end of the bar. After a little small-talk and flirting, the panda bear goes home with her. They frolic all night long. The next morning, the Panda gets up and wanders towards the door. “HEY! Where are you going?” yells the prostitute. “I haven’t been paid!”
Realizing that he is a Panda bear and might not understand, she reaches for a dictionary and looks up prostitute.
She shows him the definition: PROSTITUTE (pros’ti toot) n. A woman who performs sexual services for money.
The Panda bear looks at her and then grabs the dictionary. He shows her a definition: PANDA BEAR (pan der bare) n. Eats shoots and leaves.
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Oral Sex Makes Your Day
Q: What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
