Joke Type: wordplay

Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.

  • Eats That Many Trains

    My personal trainer said he eats five big meals and trains six days a week.

    I have no idea how he eats that many trains.

  • Sting Operation

    Did you hear about the bee who got busted for visiting a prostitute?

    It was a sting operation.

  • Beware of Doug

    Beware of Doug

    BEWARE OF DOUG

    ACME SALES CO.

  • Me Too Ice Cream

    Me Too Ice Cream

    Me too ice cream, me too

    Made to be licked, topped, and loved

    Jeni’s makes it better.

  • Whoever Smelt It Dealt It

    Whoever Smelt It Dealt It

    Cop: ur car smells like marijuana

    Me: whoever smelt it dealt it

    Cop: gosh dangit

    Me: ur under arrest

  • It’s Not a Problem, It’s a Solution

    A scientist and his apprentice are mixing fluids in a beaker.

    The scientist adds a final drop to the mixture. The fluid violently shakes, turns a nasty green, and releases a puff of smoke.

    The apprentice sees this reaction and asks the scientist if there’s a problem.

    The scientist calmly explains that this isn’t a problem, it’s a solution.

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  • Quit Making Spectacles of Yourselves

    A monocle strolls into a bar. After a couple of drinks, he starts feeling pretty great (and a bit unsteady). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender cuts him off. “Sorry, pal, but city rules ban smoking inside. You’ll have to go outside if you want to smoke.”

    So the monocle jumps down from the bar stool and picks up his cigarettes to head out. At the same time, a second monocle comes out of the bathroom. They collide as they pass each other and tumble to the ground, completely twisted together. They attempt to untangle themselves, but the harder they try, the more knotted they get.

    The bartender stares down at the mess and shakes his head. “Hey, you two!” he yells. “Quit making spectacles of yourselves!”

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  • Yes, We Arson

    Kid: Dad, are we pyromaniacs?

    Dad: Yes, we arson.

  • Prophets Going Through the Roof

    I just opened a store selling trampolines disguised as prayer mats.

    Prophets are going through the roof!

  • Hit the Roof

    I told my wife that I’ve swapped our bed for a trampoline.

    She hit the roof!