My shopping list has only Splenda and toilet paper on it. I think that’s a metaphor for my mood: artificial sweetener and shit.
Joke Type: wordplay
Wordplay jokes, punchlines, setups, and comedy bits from Chaotic Meh — sorted for people who know exactly what kind of bad idea they want.
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You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.
You can have my penis when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. Gun. I meant gun.
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I’m glad the “Fifty Shades of Grey” author decided to call that
I’m glad the “Fifty Shades of Grey” author decided to call that secret boudoir the “Red Room,” because “Room Where I Get to Stick Stuff Up Your Ass” sounds much less mysterious.
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Why do they call it underwear? I call mine manhole covers
Why do they call it underwear? I call mine manhole covers.
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You can tell you’ve reached a severe life turning point when
You can tell you’ve reached a severe life turning point when your cock cravings no longer take you to singles bars, but to KFC.
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Right after my “Name That Tune” loss I could have kicked myself
Right after my “Name That Tune” loss I could have kicked myself for not recognizing the subtle undertones which would have clued me in that the sound was “male TRANNY urination.”
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Fucking a vacuum is perfect because it can’t tell anyone that
Fucking a vacuum is perfect because it can’t tell anyone that you’ve been fucking it whether its mouth is full or not.
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I give a shit about what you’re saying. No really. I give a
I give a shit about what you’re saying. No really. I give a shit. Here. Take this shit that I’m giving about what you’re saying.
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Just when I was reconsidering marketing a new sex toy, a
Just when I was reconsidering marketing a new sex toy, a mysterious voice reminded me: “If you build it, they will come.”
