Well, I killed my own grandfather and here I am! Guess there’s no paradox when time travel isn’t involved.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I’m not on the award committee or anything, but I can pretty much guarantee a Nobel
I’m not on the award committee or anything, but I can pretty much guarantee a Nobel Prize to any scientist who makes cauliflower taste like bacon.
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Whenever I see that painting “The Scream,” I try to imagine that the man is wearing
Whenever I see that painting “The Scream,” I try to imagine that the man is wearing earphones and singing, because that way it looks like he’s having fun.
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I don’t like to tell potential employers I was downsized from my last job, because that
I don’t like to tell potential employers I was downsized from my last job, because that makes me seem like a loser who couldn’t adapt to the changing business environment. So I tell them instead that I quit to spend more quality time with my kitty cats.
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A bad day of skydiving is better than…
A bad day of skydiving is better than… No, come to think of it, a bad day of skydiving could be *really* bad. Okay then, a bad day of skydiving that’s not so bad as to involve ambulances is better than a good day at work.
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I was sitting in my kitchen last night when I realized that if the next pope is a really
I was sitting in my kitchen last night when I realized that if the next pope is a really tall guy, his pope hat will brush the ceiling if he ever comes to visit me.
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They just busted a prostitution ring that was run from an auto junkyard.
They just busted a prostitution ring that was run from an auto junkyard. I’ll bet they had a self-service area where you could pull your own parts.
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The optimist says the glass is half full.
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says it is half empty. The nurse says, “Just shut up and finish filling the bottle so we can do your drug test.”
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When I awoke in a puddle of my own vomit after a night of Halloween candy binging, I
When I awoke in a puddle of my own vomit after a night of Halloween candy binging, I suddenly realized why no one would ever market creamed-style candy corn.
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I can sit and watch my cat play with a ball of string for hours.
I can sit and watch my cat play with a ball of string for hours. It takes so little to amuse his tiny brain!
