Where is the best place to sell a used chess set?
At a pawn shop.
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
Where is the best place to sell a used chess set?
At a pawn shop.
How do you get 100 math teachers into a room in which only 99 fit?
You carry the one.
A lawyer goes to heaven.
St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates. The lawyer is impressed, but asks, “Are you sure it is my time? I’m not that old?”
St. Peter says, “What do you mean? You’re 86 years old.”
The lawyer says, “No I’m not… I’m only 58. Why do you think I’m that old!”
St. Peter says, “Well, we just added up all of the hours you’ve billed to your clients.”
Ed and Nancy met on a singles cruise, and from the moment Ed saw her, he was absolutely captivated. They spent the days dancing under the stars, sharing long conversations by the deck rail, and laughing over fancy cocktails.
When they returned home and realized they lived just a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. Without hesitation, he began asking her out.
In the weeks that followed, Ed took Nancy to dance clubs, candlelit dinners, concerts, movies, and museums. Every date was better than the last, and with each passing moment, Ed grew more certain—Nancy was the one.
To celebrate the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed planned something special: a romantic evening at an elegant restaurant.
As they sipped their cocktails, waiting for their salads, Ed took a deep breath, straightened his tie, and cleared his throat.
“Nancy,” he began, his eyes warm with sincerity, “I think you can tell—I’m completely in love with you. But before we take the next step, I need to be upfront about something.”
Nancy leaned in, intrigued.
Ed continued, “Before I reach into my jacket for a certain little box and ask you a life-changing question, there’s something you should know. I’m a golf fanatic. I play, I read about it, I watch it on TV—I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that’s a deal-breaker, now’s the time to tell me.”
Nancy took a slow sip of her drink, set it down, and smiled. “Ed, that won’t be a problem at all. I love you just the way you are, and I love golf too!”
She paused, then added, “But since we’re being completely honest… I should tell you that for the last five years, I’ve been a hooker.”
Ed blinked. His mind raced. Then, after a brief pause, he leaned in with a knowing grin and said,
“Well, that’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you swing.”
I left my car unattended with my accordion on view in the front passenger seat. When I got back, someone had broken into my car
and left another accordion.
A juggler is driving to his next performance when he gets pulled over by the police.
The officer spots some matches and lighter fluid in the car and asks, “What’s all this for?”
“I’m a juggler,” the man says. “I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
The cop looks skeptical. “Oh yeah? Let’s see it.”
So the juggler gets out of the car and starts expertly juggling flaming torches on the side of the road.
The cop stands by, watching intently.
Meanwhile, a passing couple slows down to watch.
“Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I’m so glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!”