I was in a good mood till I started petting a duckling in the park.
Then I started feeling a little down.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Prose and Cons
I started a poetry club in prison.
It had prose and cons.
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Sick of Them Horsing Around
I told my kids to stop pretending to be farm animals.
I was getting sick of them horsing around.
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The Bilingual Dog Secretary
The CEO of a company was in need of a secretary.
He spread ads all over town. A few days later, there was a knock on his door. It was a dog. He had a newspaper in his mouth. He opened it to the classifieds page and pointed to the ad that the CEO had placed. The CEO was impressed. But he thought it was a joke, so he decided to test the dog:
“Look, I need a secretary who understands the basics of computers.”
The dog went to one of the secretary’s desks, climbed on the chair, turned on the computer and the printer in total tranquility.
The CEO was amazed, but decided to go further:
“That’s good, but I need a secretary who understands spreadsheets.”
The dog quickly opened Excel, scanned rows and columns of data and then used pivot tables to create dashboards of charts. The astonished CEO desperately followed:
“Well, that’s really fantastic, but my secretary must be bilingual!”
The dog replied: “Meow.”
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Your Whole Post Is Urined
I hate spelling errors.
You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.
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It Made My Earring
I went to a store where they use explosives to create jewelry.
As I entered there was a loud “bang.” It made my earring.
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A Frayed Knot
A string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender looks at him and says, “We don’t serve strings.”
The string is annoyed and leaves the bar. Maybe he misheard? He walks back in and orders a drink. “Didn’t you hear? We don’t serve strings!”
Mad as hell, the string walks outside and throws himself angrily on the floor, swaying in every direction and dragging himself around.
He walks back into the bar, where the bartender looks at him, dubious…
“Hey, are you a string?”
“No, I’m a frayed knot!”
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How Many Bars Do You Work At
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “I can’t serve you, you’ve had too much already.”
The man sighs, leaves through the front door, walks around the corner, and enters through the side door. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says, “Look, buddy, I told you five minutes ago I can’t serve you.”
The man leaves again, walks around the block, and comes in through the back door. He approaches the bar, looks the bartender dead in the eye, and asks for a drink.
The bartender slams his hand on the counter and yells, “I told you, you’re cut off! Get out!”
The man looks at him in utter disbelief and says, “My god, man, just how many bars do you work at?!”
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Dont Fill Up On Bread Super Confusing
Don’t hand me a basket of bread and then immediately be like “don’t fill up on bread,” that’s super confusing and I don’t need that stress in my life.
