I asked the hot dog seller, “Can I get a jumbo sausage?”
He said, “Sure, won’t be long.”
I said, “In that case, can I have two?”
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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No But I Have a Boyfriend
I finally worked up the courage to ask my blind coworker if she was currently seeing anyone.
She said, “No, but I have a boyfriend.”
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Rented a Tux for Dad
This guy’s father dies, so he goes to the undertaker and tells him he wants the best of everything for his father. The funeral is absolutely beautiful, and the guy is extremely pleased.
The next day, the guy gets a bill for $16,085, and he pays it. The next month, he gets another bill for $85. He figures it’s just a little supplementary bill, so he pays that, too.
Next month, another bill for $85 arrives, so he calls up the undertaker and says, “I keep getting these bills for 85 dollars. I thought I paid for the funeral already.”
The undertaker says, “Well, you said you wanted the best for your father, so I rented him a tux.”
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Won’t = Wo Not
Quick tip for those who are struggling with English:
Don’t = Do not
Won’t = Wo not
Stay tuned for more tips.
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A Pirated Copy
My friend said his favorite Star Wars quote was, “Aargh Luke, ye scurvy dog, I be yer father.”
I think he got a pirated copy.
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The Blonde and the River
A blonde was staring dumbfounded at a rushing river blocking her path. As she wondered how to cross, she saw another blonde on the other side.
She yelled, “Hey, can you help me get to the other side?”
The other blonde replied, “You ARE on the other side!”
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Is There Baseball in Heaven
Two elderly Jews, Abe and Solomon, are sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons, and talking about baseball, like they do every single day.
Abe turns to Sol and says, “Do you think there’s baseball in heaven?”
Sol thinks about this for a minute, and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal: If I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in heaven, and if you die first, you can do the same for me.”
They shake on it, and sadly, a couple of months later, Abe passes on.
One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, “Sol… Sol…”
Sol responds, “Abe! Is that you?”
“Yes it is, Sol,” whispers Abe’s ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, “So… Is there baseball in heaven?”
“Well,” says Abe, “there’s good news, and there’s bad news.”
“Gimme the good news first,” says Sol.
Abe says, “Well, I can tell you that there IS baseball in heaven!”
Sol says, “That’s great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that???”
Abe sighs sadly, and whispers, “You’re pitching for us on Friday…”
