Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Looking in Alderaan Places

    If you came here expecting me to drop some awesome Star Wars puns today…

    I’m afraid you’re looking in Alderaan places.

  • Seeing Someone on the Side

    My buddy used to date a cross-eyed girl until he found out she was seeing someone on the side.

  • The Silent Debate

    Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all Jews must convert to Catholicism or leave Italy.

    The Jewish community protested, so the Pope offered a deal: he would have a religious debate with a representative of the Jewish community.

    If the Jews won, they could stay. If the Pope won, they would have to convert or leave.

    The Jewish community chose an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them.

    However, since the Rabbi spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed to conduct a silent debate.

    On the chosen day, the Pope and the Rabbi sat across from each other.

    The Pope raised his hand and held up three fingers.

    The Rabbi responded by holding up one finger.

    Next, the Pope waved his finger in a circle around his head.

    The Rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.

    The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.

    The Rabbi reached into his bag and pulled out an apple.

    At that, the Pope stood up and declared himself defeated. The Rabbi, he said, was too clever.

    The Jews could stay in Italy!

    Later, the cardinals gathered and asked the Pope what had happened.

    The Pope said, “First, I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded with one finger to remind me that there is only one God shared by both our beliefs.

    Then I circled my finger around my head to show that God is everywhere. He pointed to the ground to show that God is also right here with us.

    Finally, I presented the wine and wafer to represent salvation. He produced an apple to remind me of original sin. He bested me at every turn, and I could not continue.”

    Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered around the Rabbi and asked how he had won.

    “I don’t have a clue,” the Rabbi said.

    “First, he told me we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger.

    Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews, so I told him that we were staying right here.”

    “And then what?” someone asked.

    “I don’t know,” said the Rabbi. “He took out his lunch, so I took out mine!”

  • On the One Hand But On the Other

    I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

  • The Wrong Side of the Bed

    Sister Margaret gets out of bed, puts her robe and slippers on and heads out to the bathroom. As she passes, Sister Mary-Catherine says, “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see that you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Sister Margaret is puzzled — she doesn’t feel upset or angry and doesn’t think she looks like she’s in a bad mood. So she puts on a smile and continues on her way. Then she sees Sister Mary-Constance who says, “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see that you got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” Again, she’s puzzled. Then she sees the Mother Superior who greets her the same way: “Good morning Sister Margaret, I see you’ve gotten up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

    Finally Sister Margaret has had ENOUGH! “Mother Superior, why is everyone saying that I look like I got up on the wrong side of the bed?”

    “Because you’re wearing the Monsignor’s slippers, my dear.”

  • Bounty on Me Head

    A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head. The bartender asks, “What’s with the roll of paper towels on your head?”

    The pirate says, “There’s Bounty on me head.”