Despite my ultra-stealth demeanor and prodigious talent with throwing stars, I always get passed over for missions in favor of these jerks who have degrees in Ninjaneering.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Boy, does my wife hate it when I order the 2-piece white-meat KFC lunch combo and call
Boy, does my wife hate it when I order the 2-piece white-meat KFC lunch combo and call it “breast feeding.”
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If I were the guy who ran the gallows pole, I’d always ask my clients “How’s it hangin’?”
If I were the guy who ran the gallows pole, I’d always ask my clients “How’s it hangin’?” You know, just to relieve that awkward moment right before I send them to their deaths.
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My favorite part of working out in one of those 24-hour gyms is you can get three, maybe
My favorite part of working out in one of those 24-hour gyms is you can get three, maybe four, visits in before some nosy insomniac complains about “That 3 a.m. Naked Treadmill Guy.”
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I sure hope that sheep that provided the organ for my transplant was a Republican,
I sure hope that sheep that provided the organ for my transplant was a Republican, because I’d hate to be known as a bleating heart liberal.
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As a high school teacher, I always try to boost the self-esteem of teenage girls.
As a high school teacher, I always try to boost the self-esteem of teenage girls. For example: I started using an alternate scoring system based on bra cup size.
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What a waste of time and money.
What a waste of time and money. Studying the ‘Tang Dynasty for my Ph.D. isn’t nearly as interesting as I had originally thought.
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Until my sister clarified that those were only ultrasound photos, I was convinced she’d
Until my sister clarified that those were only ultrasound photos, I was convinced she’d had an affair with a skeleton.
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I’d like to see George Lucas use his sci-fi revisionism powers for good, like updating
I’d like to see George Lucas use his sci-fi revisionism powers for good, like updating that classic “Star Trek” episode to include a harmonica-playing Spock accompanying Captain Kirk on “Nobody Knows the Tribbles I’ve Seen.”
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To me, the fascinating thing about the “infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters” thing
To me, the fascinating thing about the “infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters” thing is that, like the majority of human writers, mostly what they’d produce is dung.
