The problem with having Facebook friends who run a goat farm is they’re always posting pictures of their kids.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I really thought I was finally over my crying-over-spilt-milk stage.
I really thought I was finally over my crying-over-spilt-milk stage. That is, until I dropped my toothpaste and was crestfallen.
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Anything unrelated to pachyderms is irrelephant.
Anything unrelated to pachyderms is irrelephant.
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Consumer tip: Don’t waste your money on a futon.
Consumer tip: Don’t waste your money on a futon. *Any* sofa can be turned into a bed if you have a chainsaw, some wood screws and twenty feet of bailing wire.
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Vomit is simply nature’s way of allowing children who are too young to speak to let you
Vomit is simply nature’s way of allowing children who are too young to speak to let you know they don’t like the carpeting.
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In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,”
In stand-up comedy, there exist only two time frames: the present and “the other day,” when everything always happens.
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It seems everybody in my town calls me “the stranger.”
It seems everybody in my town calls me “the stranger.” I’ll bet they wouldn’t say that if they knew me better.
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It’s OK to frequently quote the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over
It’s OK to frequently quote the saying: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” as long as you don’t expect anything to change as a result of doing it.
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Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose.
Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose. Which is why I prefer the word “freedom” -– it saves time and effort!
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Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!”
Turns out it’s actually okay to yell “Fire!” in a crowded theatre, as long as there really *is* a fire in the theatre. I just wish the fire chief and coroner had explained that to me without all of the rude name-calling and swear words.
