I asked the waitress, “Which came first: the chicken salad or the egg salad?” At which point she gave me a look suggesting, either way, it will be served with a side order of her saliva.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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I believe I’ve finally mastered the metric system!
I believe I’ve finally mastered the metric system! “Big deal,” you say, but for me, it’s a major kilometerstone.
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They say self-delusion is when you suck in your stomach as you step on the scale.
They say self-delusion is when you suck in your stomach as you step on the scale. But how *else* are you supposed to see the numbers???
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If the ’70s song “Wildfire” makes you all weepy when you hear it on the radio, just do
If the ’70s song “Wildfire” makes you all weepy when you hear it on the radio, just do what I do: Sing along, but change the horse’s name to “Numbnuts.”
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Sometimes elderly relatives need a little pick-me-up.
Sometimes elderly relatives need a little pick-me-up. And now, after a little clever programming of their caller I.D. devices, I find nothing taxes that pacemaker like an occasional call from the Grim Reaper.
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I may be over-reacting to this whole Anthrax thing, but this morning, my donuts were
I may be over-reacting to this whole Anthrax thing, but this morning, my donuts were covered with a suspicious white powder.
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I wonder if Jim Croce’s widow occasionally loses it when she can’t find the rosemary
I wonder if Jim Croce’s widow occasionally loses it when she can’t find the rosemary among all those frickin’ bottles of thyme.
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If life gives you lemons, make a delicious lemonade.
If life gives you lemons, make a delicious lemonade. If life gives you a tennis bracelet, though, you know life is trying to make up for hitting on your co-workers at the office party.
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Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. Teach him to fish instead of hooking him with the first of 14 volumes of your DVD series “How to Catch Fi$h and Make Millions!!” and you just gave away a nice revenue stream, Dinkwad.
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I love checking into a hotel and there waiting in the room for me is a well-stocked
I love checking into a hotel and there waiting in the room for me is a well-stocked supply of tissues and a fresh, unopened bottle of hand lotion. It’s like they *know* me!
