When you have to hold her like this at night because she steals
@whitepeoplehumor
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Tooth Fairy Wood Coins
Rodney Lacroix @RodLacroix
Child: The Tooth Fairy left me three dollars!
Me: When I was a kid the Tooth Fairy would leave us coins.
Child: Were they made of wood?
Me:
Child:
Me: The Tooth Fairy isn’t real.
5:36 AM · 7/26/20 · Twitter for iPad
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Where the Hell Is That Monkey
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before…”
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he’s about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”
The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher than he looks, I better leave while I can.”
Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes that he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.”
So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realizes what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”
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Constipation Movie Carl
CARL, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE MOVIE CONSTIPATION?
DAD…
I SAID, HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT IT, CARL
SIGH….NO
IT NEVER CAME OUT, CARL
CARL, IT NEVER CAME OUT.
I HATE YOU DAD
