My friend thinks that a woman in camouflage is really sexy.
I just don’t see it.
Sensitivity: Clean
Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Up to My Chin Should Do It
A man goes to a dermatologist with a rare skin disease. The doctor says, “Try a milk bath.”
So the guy goes to the grocery store and tells the dairy manager he needs enough milk to take a bath. The dairy guy asks, “You want that pasteurized?”
“Nah,” the man replies. “Up to my chin should do it.”
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Childhood Punishments, Adult Goals
All of my childhood punishments have become my adult goals:
Eating vegetables, staying home, taking a nap, going to bed early. -
Does It Take Time to Develop
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
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Meals on Wheels
A cat passed away after a long, happy life on a farm.
When she arrived at Heaven’s gates, God welcomed her and said, “You were a good cat. Anything you want — just ask.”
The cat thought for a moment and said, “Well… I always slept on cold, hard floors. I would love a big, soft pillow.”
“Say no more,” God replied.
POOF! The cat now had the fluffiest pillow she had ever seen.
A few days later, six mice were killed in a tragic accident and arrived at Heaven together.
God met them at the gates and asked what they would like.
The mice said, “All our lives we had to run from cats, dogs — even broomsticks! If we could have little roller skates, we’d never have to run again!”
God smiled…
POOF! Six happy mice skating around Heaven in style.
About a week later, God stopped by to check on the cat. She was curled up on her pillow, sleeping like royalty.
“Hello, my child,” God said softly. “How are you enjoying Heaven?”
The cat stretched, purred, and said, “Oh, it’s wonderful! The pillow is perfect… and those little ‘Meals on Wheels’ you keep sending over are delicious!”
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Hoping I Can Pull It Off
Once again I’ve entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town.
This year I’m just hoping… that I can pull it off.
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Nature’s Way of Saying
Garage sales: nature’s way of saying, “Here, let me pay you to throw this out for me.”
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Digging in Her Heels
A guy tells his buddy, “I’ve had enough of my wife. Today I told her that what she’s wearing isn’t appropriate for gardening.”
“What happened?” his buddy asks. “Did she listen?”
And the guy says, “Nope. She’s digging in her heels.”
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Until Someone Loses an I
I saw a group of kids throwing Scrabble tiles at each other.
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an I.
