Sensitivity: Clean

Clean humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Took Me Back

    The other day, I was thinking about the time I put my very first car into reverse. Man, that took me back.

  • The Seeing-Eye Chihuahua

    A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says “You can’t bring that dog in here!”

    The guy, without missing a beat, says “This is my seeing-eye dog.” “Oh man,” the bartender says, “I’m sorry, here, the first one’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

    Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him, stops him and says “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s a seeing-eye dog.”

    The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink.

    The bartender says “Hey, you can’t bring that dog in here!”

    The second man replies “This is my seeing-eye dog.”

    The bartender says, “No, I don’t think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs.”

    The man pauses for a half-second and replies “What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?”

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  • The Sham Rock

    My boyfriend bought me a diamond ring…

    The stone was cut in the shape of a four-leaf clover.

    I wore it all the time to show how much it meant to me.

    One day, I got curious and had it valued at a jeweller’s.

    Unfortunately, they told me that my boyfriend had been swindled, as the diamond was actually a cubic zirconia.

    It was a sham rock.

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  • Baggage

    At the airport, a man handed over three suitcases.

    “One to LA, one to Boston, and one to Orlando.”

    The check-in agent said, “Sir, we can’t split up your luggage like that.”

    He said, “Why not? You managed it perfectly on my last flight.”

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  • Ruthless

    A friend of mine just texted his girlfriend Ruth and told her that it’s over between them. I can’t believe that he did that over text.

    He’s Ruthless.

  • This Is Exactly What I Was Afraid Of

    This Is Exactly What I Was Afraid Of

    [doctor looking at my xrays]

    doctor: this is exactly what i was afraid of

    me: what

    doctor: skeletons

  • Watt Is Love

    Watt Is Love

    Watt is love?
    Baby don’t herz me
    don’t herz me
    no morse

  • Still No Idea

    Still No Idea

    WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO EYES?

    NO IDEA

    AND NO LEGS

    STILL NO IDEA

  • The Italian Chef Passed Away

    Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness?
    He pastaway.
    Cannoli do so much.
    Now hes just a pizza history.

  • Professional Hide-and-Seek Tournament

    I tried to organize a professional Hide-and-Seek tournament, but it was a complete failure. Good players are hard to find.