When I was young, you could go to the grocery store with two dollars in your pocket and come out with a loaf of bread, two dozen eggs, and a pound of butter.
Now, they have cameras everywhere.
Sensitivity: PG-13
Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
-
Now they have cameras everywhere
-
She slowly came around
Last night at the airport, there was a woman totally passed out on the baggage carousel.
She slowly came around.
-
All the digging
What’s the worst thing about having sex in a cemetery?
All the digging.
-
Tell That to Mrs. Coolidge
It’s said that President and Mrs. Coolidge were invited to visit a Department of Agriculture station that was working on ways to improve farming. Two agents guided them separately.
When Mrs. Coolidge was brought to the chicken yard, she noticed a rooster doing his duty. She asked how many times the rooster could provide service per day and was told dozens of times.
She replied, “Tell that to the President when he comes by.”
Later, when the President was informed of that fact, he asked, “Same hen every time?”
He was told, “No, a different hen every time.”
He responded, “Tell that to Mrs. Coolidge.”
-
The Doctor Clears Her Sinuses
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I can’t stop farting. They’re silent with no smell, but I’ve let out 20 in the past five minutes sitting here.”
The doctor gives her some pills and tells her to come back next week.
The next week, the old lady comes back and says, “Doc, I took the pills. The farts are still silent, but now they stink!”
The doctor says, “Great! We’ve cleared your sinuses. Now let’s work on your hearing!”
-
Pissing Skittles
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until after I had spent three days eating nothing but beets and asparagus, and downing enough Karo syrup to kill a horse, that I realized maybe it was actually during a dream when I came up with my super-secret formula for “pissing Skittles.”
-
At least she’ll never be hungry
I bet if an eagle’s daughter ever flew off with a buzzard, the eagle would react nobly and think, “Well, at least she’ll never be hungry.”
-
I didn’t even know he was a health nut
I don’t really understand the popularity of this Pilate’s workout, but then, I’m not a very religious person. Hell, I didn’t even know he was a health nut.
