Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • An EpiPen Legacy: Love Beyond Allergies

    I inherited an EpiPen from my grandfather. He wanted me to get it. That was his dying wish.

    Weird, I know, I’m not even allergic.

  • Make out session

    I was right in the middle of a steamy make out session with a hot chick when she stops me and asks “do you have a condom?”

    “No” I say, and begrudgingly get my things together and head for the store.

    When I get there, find the condoms and I’m checking out, the clerk asks me, “Do you need a bag?”

    To which I reply, “She’s not that ugly!”

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  • Not Enough Sand for Legal Troubles

    What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?

    Not enough sand.

  • Nobody likes lawyers

    A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see jogging on the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer jogging along the street, he would swerve to hit him. After hearing the loud “THUD,” he would swerve back on the road.

    One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking, so he stopped to pick him up

    The priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued driving. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer jogging up ahead, and immediately regretted picking up the priest. “Surely I can’t run over a lawyer with a priest in the truck!” he thought.

    Then he had an idea. He would pretend to fall asleep. The driver pretended to nod off, the truck drifted to the right, and he heard that satisfying “Thud.”

    “Did I hit that lawyer? Did I hit that lawyer?” the truck driver asked, pretending to wake up suddenly.

    “No,” said the priest. “But I got him with the door.”

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  • Single, huh?

    A young man walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner.

    The girl at the cash register looks at him and says “Single, huh?”

    The man replies very sarcastically, “How did you guess?”

    She replies, “because you’re ugly.”

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  • Viruses Walk Into a Bar: A Sick Joke!

    Covid, AIDS, and the Flu walk into a bar

    The bartender takes one look at them and says, “What is this, some kind of sick joke?”

  • Anonymous Tips: Surprising Similarities Unveiled

    What do police hotlines and glory holes have in common?

    Both rely on anonymous tips.

  • The tired lawyer

    An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

    As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.

    Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the hot tub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

    While he was in the hot bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

    Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

    As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

    ‘They’re not hanging Wright tonight,’ she said.

    He whirled around and screamed, ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?!’

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  • Loophole Lust: Aroused by Legal Technicalities

    What about the guy who was aroused by loopholes in the law?

    He got off on a technicality.

  • Banana Affair: The Peeling Verdict!

    Did you hear about the man who was found guilty of having sex with a banana?

    He got off on a peel.