Sensitivity: PG-13

Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Check for Alive: Doctor’s Brainy Defense

    In the courtroom, the defense lawyer is examining the witness.

    “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”

    “No.”

    “Did you check for blood pressure?”

    “No.”

    “Did you check for breathing?”

    “No.”

    “So then, is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”

    “No.”

    “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”

    “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”

    “But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?”

    “Yes, it is possible he could have been alive… and even practicing law somewhere.”

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  • Love or Money? The Ex-Wife Dilemma

    I tried to remarry my ex-wife, but that failed.
    She figured out I was only after my money.

  • Love, Laughter, and Aging Surprises!

    A 22-year-old woman seduces a wealthy 85-year-old man.

    She figures, how bad could it be? He’s worth millions — maybe she’ll even marry him. The first night, she’s naked in the bedroom, waiting for him to come out of the bathroom.

    The old man walks out with a huge erection, a box of condoms, earplugs, and a clothespin.

    “What are those for?!” she yells.

    The old man says, “There are two things I can’t stand… the sound of a screaming woman and the smell of burning rubber.”

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  • Sweet Escape: Oreo Edition

  • Stay Safe, Stay Back, Stay Surprised!

  • Who Deserves the Promotion? A Tough Choice!

    The president of a major company had three secretaries he wanted to promote, but there was only one position available.
    The first secretary was a Stanford graduate who developed a strategy to cut unnecessary spending and increased company profits by 28%.

    The second was a single mother of three — kind, warm, and beloved by employees and customers alike. She made everyone feel welcome and valued.

    The third was quick-witted, knew the company’s operations inside and out, and could deliver anything needed at a moment’s notice — fast, efficient, and flawless.

    After careful and deliberate consideration, the president decided to promote the secretary with the biggest tits.

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  • Age Gap: Pregnancy and the Leopard Chase!

    A man in his late seventies has a wife fifty years younger than him. Every year he goes to his doctor for an body check. One year, he tells his doctor “Hey doc! Look at my wife! Isn’t she pretty? Guess what? I got her pregnant!”

    Upon hearing that, the serious doctor looked up from his clipboard. He replied, “You remind me of my friend John, when he was hunting in Africa. He was aiming at a zebra when a leopard starting chasing him. John wanted to grab his rifle, but soon realized that he didn’t have it in his pouch! But the leopard was already a couple meters away from him… so John acted like his fingers were guns… and shouted BAM! BAM! BAM! very loudly… and to John’s surprise… the leopard collapsed… and died!”

    The old man replied, “That’s nonsense! Someone else must’ve done it!”

    The doctor, with a sly smile on his face, simply responded, “I think so too.”

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  • Blond Jokes: Laughter or Limit?

    A blond woman and her boyfriend go to a comedy club to see a ventriloquist. Midway through the show, the comedian starts setting his dummy up for a whole bunch of blond jokes. The woman laughs along at first, but eventually it’s too much for her to take.

    “Hey! It was funny for a while but that’s enough! I’m blond, and I don’t like people assuming I’m dumb! It’s not fair!”

    The comedian, taken aback, says, “You know what? You’re right. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying….” She cut him off.

    “I wasn’t talking to YOU!”

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  • Post-Intimacy: A Robot’s Nuts and Bolts!

    What does a robot do after sex?
    Nuts and Bolts.