What has six balls and screws poor people?
The lottery.
Sensitivity: PG-13
Pg-13 humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Me Too Ice Cream
Me too ice cream, me too
Made to be licked, topped, and loved
Jeni’s makes it better.
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Whoever Smelt It Dealt It
Cop: ur car smells like marijuana
Me: whoever smelt it dealt it
Cop: gosh dangit
Me: ur under arrest
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14 Dollars of Soda
vivivictoria: hey gang im ordering 14 dollars worth of soda and nothing else from my local dominos
im thorsty
vivivictoria: He better not fucking have
YOUR ORDER IS IN THE OVEN – Majkiiwis put your order in the oven at 2:47 PM.
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Three Stops Ago
A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to eat…
So she says to her baby, “Eat up now or I’m going to give it to that nice man over there,” and points at the man sitting across from her.
Ten minutes later: “You have to eat, or I will give it to that man!”
Five minutes later: “Come on now, I can’t waste this milk so you have to eat or I’m giving it to that man.”
At this point the gentleman sitting across from her finally says, “Come on lady, make up your mind, I was supposed to get off three stops ago!”
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Shout Out to Librarians
I’d like to give a shout out to all of the librarians…
…oh… oh, yeah… I’m sorry.
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Poop With the Door Open
I told my wife that we’ve been together long enough now, we can poop with the door open…
…She told me I shouldn’t be pooping in the car in the first place!
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Moo Goo Gai Pan
While lying in bed, the chef of the Chinese restaurant nudged his wife, saying, “I wouldn’t mind a little 69 right now.”
His wife, who works as a server, turned her back, saying, “If you think I’m gonna get out of bed at this time of night to make you moo goo gai pan, you’re crazy.”
