PG 13 Jokes, Memes & Dark Humor

“GIVE ME MORE BALLS!” -me, playing this Arkanoid game

(R.M. Weiner) “Gimme a pack of boners.” -me, talking to my doctor about Cialis

“I don’t wanna sound like a dick, buuuut…” is how I begin 94% of my conversations.

Why do they call them potholes, man? You can’t blame bud for that shit. *massive bong rip*

They call it a smoothie but it’s got chunks in it. This is bullshit!

I thought my goldfish would thank me for the pizza crusts but they just got all wobbly like they didn’t give a fuck.

When I take a shit on a Tuesday I call it doing a Number Tue. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all weak.

It’s daylight savings time! Don’t forget to not shut the fuck up about how the time change has really “thrown you off” for the next 2 weeks!

I understand. You’re making a bullshit argument because over there in bullshit land, the bullshit trees only produce bullshit fruit.

TSA should create a position where the only responsibility is telling college kids who sleep on the floor by a gate that they’re fucking slobs.