If you meet a woman that admits she’s wrong, apologises & changes her ways. Dump her, that might be a man, women don’t do that.
Sensitivity: Questionable
Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.
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Me buying condoms
*Me buying condoms*
Pharmacist: Do you need a bag?
Me: No thanks, she’s beautiful
Pharmacist:
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A man goes to the doctor and complains that he has a bright orange penis
A man goes to the doctor and complains that he has a bright orange penis. The doctor takes a look, and sure enough, the man’s penis is bright orange.
The doctor asks the man about his daily habits to see if he could get a clue about the cause of the malady.
The man says, “My day is pretty normal. I get up in the morning and go to work. My work is at a desk in an office, so I don’t come into contact with any strange chemicals. I come home after work, make myself dinner, watch a little TV, then get ready for bed.”
The doctor asks, “Do you do anything before bed?”
The man says, “Nothing unusual, I just surf the web and eat Cheetos.”
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Is it OK to have oral sex with a 95-year-old woman?
Is it OK to have oral sex with a 95-year-old woman?
I wasn’t sure, and my friends said it was a bit of a grey area.
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Pet-Sitting a Pair of Dogs
A woman is pet-sitting a pair of dogs, one male and one female. In the middle of the night she awakens to a loud commotion.
The female had gone into heat and the male was trying to mate with her. She couldn’t get them apart and was terrified.
She called the local veterinarian and explained what was going on.
The vet suggested, “Take your phone and place it near the dogs. I’ll ring your phone and the ringing sound will distract the male, causing him to lose his erection. Then you will be able to separate them easily.”
“Are you sure it will work?”
“It just worked on me!”
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Two Dogs at the Vet
Two dogs are sitting in the waiting room of the veterinary office, reading their doggie magazines.
The first dog turns to the second. “So what are you here for?” the first dog asks.
“Well, you know how it is, being alone all day in a house?”
“I suppose so…”
“Let me tell you. When my owner comes home, I’m so excited to see her that I start humping the coffee table. She pulls me off, so I start humping the couch. She pulls me off, so I start humping my chew toy. So she brought me here to have me fixed.”
“Oh, I see…”
They go back to reading their doggie magazines.
After a while, the second dog turns to the first. “So what are you here for?”
“When my owner comes home, I’m so excited to see her that I start humping the coffee table. She pulls me off, so I start humping the couch. She pulls me off, I’m so excited that I start humping HER.”
“So, you’re here to get fixed too?”
“Nah, I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
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The Man with the Headaches
A man suffered from headaches and didn’t realize it was due to a rare condition.
He went to multiple doctors, all of whom couldn’t give him an explanation or a solution to the headache. After years of the same symptoms, the man finally found a doctor who could fix the situation.
The doctor told him, “The good news is I can fix your headaches so you’ll never have them again. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, creating one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
The man was depressed because two of the three things that made him a man will be removed. Realizing he had no other choice, he agreed to the castration.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 10 years. He saw a tailor shop and thought, “A new suit is fit for a new man, and for my new beginning.”
After entering the shop, he asked the tailor for a new suit. The tailor said, “Hmm… Looking at you, you are size 44 long.” The man, surprised, asked, “That’s right, how did you know?” “Been in the business for over 50 years!” The man tried on the suit given and it fit perfectly.
The man, realizing he needed a shirt for the suit, asked for one. The tailor looked at him and said, “Hmm… you are a 35 sleeve and 16 neck.” Again, the man was surprised. “That’s right, how did you know?” The tailor responded again, “Been in the business for over 50 years!” The man tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.
The tailor said, “How about some underwear?” The man was startled but realized the logic. Since he already got everything else, he said yes. The tailor looked at him and said, “Hmm… you are a size 36.”
The man laughed, catching the tailor. “Ah ha! You’re wrong! I’ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.” The tailor shook his head. “No, buddy, you can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”
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The Missionary and the Chief
There was once a missionary preaching in a small African tribe. The people there loved him, and every day more were converted.
But one day, a white baby was born to one of the women in the tribe. The chief immediately sent for the missionary and demanded to know why he had broken the commandments he had so lovingly taught to his people.
The missionary, having been a devout Christian his entire life, asked to see the child. Upon viewing the baby, it became clear that this baby was an albino. The missionary attempted to explain this to the chief, saying: “Chief, this child suffers from a condition of the skin which changed its color to white. As an example, look upon your flocks of sheep. All are white, except for one which is black.”
The chief cut him off, saying, “OK, I won’t tell about the baby, if you don’t tell about the sheep.”
