Sensitivity: Questionable

Questionable humor, jokes, memes, and questionable punchlines from Chaotic Meh — organized so the algorithm can pretend this place has adult supervision.

  • Little Johnny at the Rodeo

    Little Johnny went to his first rodeo with his mum and dad…

    Dad went off to buy a beer, and little Johnny happened to spy the bull’s cock flopping around beneath his belly.

    “Mummy, mummy! What’s that long thing beneath the bull’s belly!?” Johnny asks, pointing.

    Embarrassed, his mum looks away and mutters, “Oh, don’t worry about that, Johnny. That’s nothing.”

    Dad comes back and mum goes off to use the washroom.

    Once mummy is gone, Little Johnny asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing beneath the bull’s belly?”

    “That’s the bull’s cock, son,” his dad answers. “He uses it to mount and make love to a cow.”

    “But mummy said it was nothing!” Johnny replied.

    Dad leans back with his hand behind his head and takes a sip of his beer.

    “Son… I’ve spoiled that woman…”

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  • One Word or Spread Apart

    Is buttcheeks one word or should I spread them apart?

  • The Insurance Money and the Granite Countertops

    We now have the technology to build a new penis…

    Doctor Cohen comes in and says, “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. Now, you probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be okay, you’ll walk again and everything, however your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

    The man, Max, groans, but the doctor goes on, “You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1,000 an inch.”

    The man perks up. So, the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

    Max agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day. “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

    “Yes I have,” says Max. “We’re getting granite counter tops.”

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  • The Heart Attack and the Closet

    A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.

    He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

    “What’s up?” he says.

    “I’m having a heart attack,” cries the woman.

    He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he’s dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your closet and he’s got no clothes on!”

    The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

    Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

    “You rotten bastard,” says the husband. “My wife’s having a heart attack and you’re running around naked scaring the kids!”

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  • The Top 13 Paris Hilton Pet Peeves

    13> Those nouveau riche morons who have absolutely no sense of decorum.

    12> Can never remember the name of that guy she slept with in London. If only there were some way to make a record of when that happened.

    11> Olfactory flashbacks from the Arkansas season of “The Simple Life.”

    10> People who ask you to sign stolen towels.

    9> Thinking that uncool and/or nonrich guys might be jerking off to her video.

    8> Getting a paper cut from the envelope while forwarding your $375,000 Amex bill to Dad.

    7> Always had to milk the ugly cow during the first season of “The Simple Life.”

    6> Jerk waiters who think they’re better than you just because they know how to read those stupid menus.

    5> Andy Warhol’s ghost constantly showing up with a stop watch.

    4> “Since that pudge skank Nicole lost all that weight, now I look like a *fat* size 4.”

    3> When you go to buy a new Bentley and they don’t have one with an interior that complements your dog’s Prada rain slicker?

    2> Caterpillars that crawl in one ear and take, like, an hour before crawling out the other side.

    And Topfive.com’s Number 1 Paris Hilton Pet Peeve…

    1> No Nobel prize for skankery.

    [The Top 5 List www.topfive.com]
    [Copyright 2005 by Chris White]

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  • Little Johnny and the Substitute Teacher

    Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.

    She says, “Hello class. I’m Miss Prussy. When you say my name, remember it has an ‘R’ after the first letter.”

    The entire class says, “Hello, Miss Prussy!”

    A few days later, Johnny’s regular teacher is out again, and Miss Prussy has returned as the substitute.

    She says, “Good morning, Johnny. Do you remember my name?”

    Johnny thinks hard, and he says to the teacher, “I remember it has an ‘R’ after the first letter.”

    “That’s right!” she coaxed.

    After a few seconds, little Johnny says, “Miss Crunt?”

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  • The Italian Souvenir

    A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.

    “Thank you, honey,” she says. “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs and says, “An Italian girl.”

    When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “How was the trip?”

    “Very good,” she replies.

    “And what happened to my present?” he asks.

    Confused, she replies, “Which present?”

    “The one I asked for, the Italian girl,” he answers.

    With a sly grin, she replies, “Oh, that. I did what I could, but we’ll just have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”

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  • The Lawsuit Against the Hospital

    A woman is suing a hospital, claiming that after recent treatment her husband completely lost interest in physical intimacy.

    In their defense, the hospital stated:

    “All we did was correct his eyesight.”

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  • Calling Crisco in the Supermarket

    A little old guy is walking around in a supermarket calling out, “Crisco, Crissssssscoooo!”

    Soon an assistant manager approaches and says, “Sir, the Crisco is in aisle 3.”

    The old guy replies, “Oh, I’m not looking for the cooking stuff. I’m calling my wife. She’s in here somewhere.”

    The clerk is astonished.

    “Your wife’s name is Crisco?”

    The old guy answers, “Oh no, no, no. I only call her that when we’re out in public.”

    “I see,” said the clerk. “What do you call her at home?”

    “Lard ass.”

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